Obama bin Lyin

Obama bin Lyin

An analysis of patriotism from a social network newsfeed... Conspiracy theories for breakfast... And the restoration of buyer confidence...

 

I’ll never forget where I was when I heard the news that we, America, had killed Osama bin Laden. I was laying in bed, watching filthy Canadian sitcoms, when I found the first news of Osama’s death on Facebook. I hear that I would have heard the news much faster if I participated in the Twitter phenomenon; but I don’t, so I found the news slightly after the digital revolution. All the same, loud and clear, “We got the b*****d”.

Also, I will never forget where I was nearly ten years ago when this country took the strongest low blow ever thrown and remained on its roots. I was in 8^th grade, and more specifically, in Ms. Ellison’s English class. It was quarter to nine when every teacher on the floor started running out into the halls, screaming, and turning on TVs in the classrooms so we could watch things we have only known in video games come to life. All fingers pointed to Osama bin Laden and all horror and terror known to our time now had a face.

In a matter of 10 minutes, Facebook and Twitter had put CNN & FOX to shame. Updates were pouring out, filled with excitement, contempt, conspiracy, politics, and presidential debate…

“We got the m**********r”

“Trump that, Donald.”

“And so Obama’s campaign trail begins”… etc.

It seems that social networking escalates the need to disagree. In no time at all, I think I had heard an opinion from just about every end of the political spectrum possible. It was as if not one of my friends could agree with the puzzle pieces coming from every direction. While some were happy with the general “Osama is dead” news, others immediately felt the government was trying to give them the hat trick. Everyone wanted to see pictures, footage, interviews, and I can hardly blame them because there is only one unofficial headshot of the mangled b*****d. Almost as soon as I get the news that Obama, sorry I meant Osama, had been killed, I got the news that the body had been buried at sea - evidence had been disposed of.

Not only was the legitimacy of this assassination being questioned, but it seemed a digital civil war had broken out over Obama taking credit for success of the mission. What should have been great news for national security, seemed to have only reignited the constant arguing over the qualifications of our president. I will admit, aside from the political banter, there was a lot of grey area surrounding the “official” story. We flew in with 2 or 4 helicopters first thing in the morning with 7 or 22 Marines or NAVY Seals, and either he tried to resist with fire power from behind a woman or he was caught completely by surprise in his pj’s " either way we popped one in his head and one in his chest. After a shoot out in Osama’s million dollar mansion, they escaped with the body with no harm to any Americans or civilians.

Osama’s fortified compound, which was 6x larger than any other structure in the area, was located in a very populated, suburban area only 1000 feet from Pakistan’s largest military base. It was only 100 miles from the capitol and the government we gave $10bn in the last seven years to help us fight terrorism. Those are the facts of location, and without the media’s influence, these are puzzle pieces that just don’t seem to fit together.

The next headline, which I didn’t receive from a social network, was that Obama had ordered a DNA test and the body had been thrown off a boat. By this time there were tailgate parties going on at Ground Zero and on the front lawn of the White House - they were humming that song from Remember the Titans. Regardless, they were celebrating patriotism, and this was a solid coincidence to restore buyer confidence in the Obama campaign.

Today the Obama Administration announced they would not release any photos of Osama Bin Laden’s body to prove his death.  To my astonishment, I seem to be the only one who noticed this news. It has not appeared anywhere since the CNN breaking news notification I received on my smart phone, and it seems to bother no one that the only picture we have associated with his death is the fake that is floating around the internet. So with no proof other than the word of the ever so trustful media, we must trust that the DNA test proved a match. What a week for Obama though, finally producing his birth certificate in the last year of his presidential term and executing a mission that killed the most threatening man in the world. I think I would have a cocktail.

So with all this great news and monumental acts of patriotism, I guess we can finally bring home our troops, our brothers and sisters, that have been coincidentally stationed in countries with extremely valuable fossil fuel, which would determine the world’s largest superpower - but don’t hold your breath.   Regardless of locating the world’s most wanted terrorist living in luxury only 1000 feet from Pakistan’s largest military base, and not being able to agree on the capture/kill motives; after getting rid of all proof and evidence, it would be time to end the war we have been fighting for 10 long years now. The harder truth to swallow is that war is the largest business in existence, and that we were effectively paying Pakistan a billion dollars a year to keep Osama bin Laden damn near on a military base.

I honestly don’t know where to find myself amongst this sea of digital newsfeed and conspiracy theories. The only thing I can be proud of is that we are acting as a country again - the people, that is. The level of excitement and involvement I saw in fellow college students around the country at midnight on Sunday was breathtaking, and it almost compared to the number who watched the NBA playoffs 3 hours earlier. I don’t know if this is the week we killed Osama bin Laden, or the week Obama kicked off his campaign trial. I don’t know if, after 10 years, if we have finally ended the war on terror or if we have readjusted our positions of diplomacy over the valuable resources of the Middle East. I do know that someone shorted Morgan Stanly and American Airlines stock the morning that the world trade center came crumbling to the ground and made more money than I will ever see in my life. I know that architects around the world are baffled at how a building that was designed to break into three sections came tumbling to the ground as if demolished. I know that someone shorted BP and Transocean stocks when we witnessed the largest oil spill in the history of the petroleum industry and made enough money to pay for that “lost” satellite that would have prevented it. And lastly, I know news of Bin Laden’s death couldn’t have been better placed in the chaotic grey area of the Middle East.

One day I am going to write a book about all of this. It will be filled with colorful controversy and scandalous diplomacy. A story of the elite percent of authority tying the entire electorate up in an enigma, they call it a bipartisan legislature; while they profited off of three of the largest disasters we have ever seen as a country. How the saddest days in US history were hoaxes meant to trigger reasonable approval to stick our hands into the Middle East’s cookie jar. I might even add a bit about how the social network revolution, with its rapid information exchange rate, is going to exploit the media for what they are - biased influences that keep the country confused. The only thing that scares me is that I don’t know if the book will be published as fiction or social science.

Whatever - Osama is in Davy Jones’ Locker, Obama is the leader of Team America (F**k Yeah!), and it’s a damn good thing we didn’t freeze government pay.

 

Bryant James

5/5/11