Double life

A Story by Rachel Chomand

A french girl in her twenties decide to move to LA so she can live among big movie stars and maybe one day become a well-known director. But the life she gets is not what she hoped for, and will get e

Man, what time is it? Did I oversleep again? I’m going to be late… Come on, let’s get out of the bed, in three… two… one… Oh… I can’t go to work. I’m so tired. But he expects me. I bet he’s going to call right now to check if I’m all right. Well, I’m not. I’m sick of this! All this! I’m just going to stay in bed and wait until he freaks out. Then I’ll rush to his house.

There, what did I say? My phone is ringing. One effort, just one, pick it up. And yeah, that’s him…

“Hello?

- Hanna? It’s me, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because you’re really late and it’s not like you.

- Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I overslept. I’ll be at your house as soon as I can

- Oh there’s no rush, really. I just got scared for you, you know.

- But I know you have a tight timetable, and I’m kind of ruining it right now.

- Han’, it’s okay. I know how tiring this is for you, we can even cancel if you want.

- No no no! You know I hate this, never cancel, never! Except if I’m sick, or if I’m dying… or if you don’t want to of course. Okay I’m rushing to your house now, be there in five.

- Okay honey”

I really didn’t want to go… but what can I say, he’s such a sweet man, I can’t say no to him, or cancel on him. Actually, I can’t cancel on none of my clients; I just love them so much… They’re always looking out for me.

I’m out of breath already. That is not good at all. And I look horrible. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to my old life, in Paris. I would be able to stop speaking in English, and to sleep at night. But LA, it is the dream. And, even if I’m not exactly living mine, I actually have a pretty sweet life.

There it is, Leo’s house. It’s pretty dark already and I don’t see any cameras. It looks like I won’t have to climb anything tonight. Good, I didn’t have the energy for that.

“Oh, hey Hanna! How are you?

- Hi Marla, I’m good, tired, but good. And you?

- Well, I’m still repairing the roses from last time.

- Oh my god, you don’t know how sorry I am for that

- Actually I do, because you can’t stop apologizing for this. But it’s okay, I’m not mad. I know you have to climb over the fence sometimes, so I shouldn’t have put the roses there, it’s my fault. Anyway, he is waiting for you so go ahead.

- See you soon Marla.”

I’m usually careful when I climb. But last night I was so tired, I fell on Marla’s roses. She is such a sweet person, I actually cried when I saw the mess.

But anyway, I’m almost an hour late. I have to finish with Leo before going over to Matt. I think I’m spending the night with him... but I’ll have to check again.

“Hanna, come on in!

- Hey Leo, I’m so sorry again for being late. I didn’t hear my alarm.

- That’s okay really; I actually just hung up the phone with Matt. I know you were supposed to see him after me.

- What do you mean, “were”?

- Well, you’ve been working a lot lately. And you don’t have a simple job. Just last night, you kind of fell asleep in the middle of it.

- Oh my god! Really? I didn’t notice. Why didn’t you say anything?

- Because, you need to sleep. So we decided to give you the night off. I’m sorry you still had to come all this way for nothing. I’m still going to pay you for tonight.

- No no no, I refuse, it’s not like I need money. I’m good.

- Sure?

- Yes, keep your dollars. And thanks again for the night, I actually think I need it.

- One last thing, I also have to cancel tomorrow. I have a red carpet event.

- Okay, you want to reschedule? Because On Thursdays, I’m suppose to spent the night with you.

- No it’s okay. I’ll see you next week. Bye.

- Bye”

I actually was really happy about all this. I had two whole nights to myself. It’s been ages since this hadn’t happened. I’m probably going to hit the mall tomorrow, do some shopping, and see people that aren’t my clients. But first, I need a good night sleep.

How long has it been since I haven’t seen daylight? I have no idea. But I think it was this summer. And now people are running towards coffee shop in the hope they will get a nice cup of something to heat them up. Speaking of which, I won’t be against a nice cup of hot chocolate. I need sugar. Man, that’s a long queue…

“Miss… I think you dropped this.”

As I turned around, I saw this… this what? There are no words to describe him. He is just… I think my heart stopped when I saw him. He was handing me my wallet.

“Oh yeah, thank you.”

God! I could just kiss him right now. I couldn’t get my eyes off him. Dreamy, dreamy, dreamy man. He smiled at me. I think he made a joke after that so I laughed, which made him laugh.

“Can I buy you your coffee?

- Well actually it’s a hot chocolate. But sure, why not?”

We talked for hours. We were laughing, and getting along so well. Then came the first problem.

“So, what do you do? Are you still studying or already working?

- It’s complicated. I’m working now but I kind of hope going back to school when I can.

- What do you study?

- Well I use to be in a business school in France. After graduation I came here to enter in a Cinema University.

- That’s pretty cool. So what kind of work you do now?

- Hum…”

What was I suppose to say? The truth and scare him of? Or should I lie and risk everything if he finds out the truth?

“I’m helping movie stars feeling better”

That’ll do. It is in a way what I do

“Like a masseuse

- A little like that. I do everything they want for their wellness.

- So like a slave.

- If you want. But they are all just so sweet; most of the time it is a pleasure to do what they ask me. And they tip really well. What about you?”

Okay so I was kind of proud of the way I handled this. We kept on talking. He told me he is an accountant. He also works with big movie stars.

“They are nice, I couldn’t say otherwise. But sometimes they spend so much money on something and I don’t know what it is, and they won’t tell me. Just yesterday, one of my clients spent $1,000 cash on something. I don’t know what. Sometimes I think it is for some girls, you know…”

Yeah I did know

“It’s not that I’m against them. It’s their body; they do what the y want with it. But it is illegal. And if someone finds out, it is going to be really difficult. And this client could have any girl he wants. He is single, nice, talented, and not bad looking. So why pay for that? For me those girls are here for guys who don’t respect themselves, who are too shy to go talk to girls. But that is not my client’s case. So why does he risk all this for such a diminishing thing?”

I had no idea what to say. What could I say? I was this girl. And I was sure his client was Leo. He tipped $1,000 yesterday. What if Daniel found this out?

I gave him my phone number so he could ask me out. I really like him. But what can I do? If he knew what I do, he would hate me.

I'm sick. Literally. I can't even get out of my bed. The room is flying around me. I don't even know the time. I look at my clock and I see numbers dancing around. I'm going to throw up in three... two... one... Well, that was disgusting... God, I haven’t felt that bad in a while… My head! I can hear my blood in my head! I think I’m dying. I really do. Oh god! What is that noise? Sounds like someone is ringing the doorbell to my skull!

“Hanna? Are you in there? Are you okay? Come one answer me or I’ll knock down that door!”

I think I know that voice… But I have no idea who that can be. Why does it have to scream? I’m dying in here!

“Hanna? Hanna? Are you okay? Come on answer me!

- Dye… Dying… Sick…

- Hanna what happened?

- Who are you?”

His face was really close to mine, but I still wasn’t able to identify who that was… I wasn’t even sure I knew him…

“Do you remember last night?

- Why are you in my apartment?

- You called me! Do you remember last night?

- I’m sick, and I don’t know you, so please, get away from me.

- How drunk are you?

- I don’t drink! I’m not drunk, I’m sick. Get out of my apartment.

- Okay we’re going to start from the beginning… Hanna, this is me, Leo. You called me a couple hours ago saying we were busted, that you were quitting to raise elephant in Death Valley. You also told me you were going to marry my accountant because he was rich and didn’t know what you do for a living. And then you add a lot of non-sense, and hung up the phone before I could even talk. Then you called me again an hour ago. As I didn’t answer you left me a message saying I was a great boss, I was good at what we were doing and you started talking about the fact you never usually drink but tonight you had to take a little edge off so you drank a lot. And then you just yelled, “I’m going to die here tonight”, started imitating a dying man laughed a lot, vomited on the phone and hung up. So I came over here as fast as possible to check on you.

- Oh god… oh god… Oh my god! I was on my date last night! My first real date! And I was so nervous I drank the whole bottle of wine and some more things… Oh my god! I’m in the s**t! I have no idea what I told him… I think I told him what I was doing… Oh my god it’s horrible! What am I going to do? I like him so much! He is handsome, and clever, and nice, and funny… And I’m the stupidest person ever…

- Hanna, calm down. Okay? So, first thing first, you are going to take a long, cold shower. Then you are going to drink a lot of water. And then we’re going to do some damage control.

Well, the shower certainly helps. The room is way steadier. I feel so stupid… Should I text him? Or do nothing? I’ve never done this like that… Before coming here, I only had one boyfriend. He dumbed me after two weeks because I didn’t want to do it just yet… Then with all the rumors that I was a prude, no one got interested in me again… My first client, actually the guy who told me to do this job, was my first… ever! And I became busy so fast after that; I never had the time to go on a date… I’m 27, and I’ve never been in a real relationship… Man, my life sucks… I really have to question myself I think. Do I really want to keep going that way? Or should I change everything in my way of living… Oh I don’t know… I don’t know… What I do know is that I’m never, ever going to drink again. Ever!

“Hanna? Are you okay? Did you pass out in the shower?

- No I’m okay. I’m coming out in a sec’”

He had made this incredible breakfast. I had no idea how because I didn’t have a lot of food at my place. He maybe went to the store while I was in the shower. Coffee was delicious. There were some scones that were so tasty. I was feeling so much better.

We talked for a while about anything and then he started asking me about Daniel. He confirmed me he was his accountant. He really liked him. Almost like his brother. He came up with a plan. A pretty simple one: ask him whether or not he was seeing someone and if he liked her. According to Leo, they were always talking about those kinds of stuff so it wouldn’t be weird. I had no better idea so I let him do it.

It was around 11 AM when Leo left. I was supposed to wait for his call. I cancelled all my clients for the night so I could have some rest. And then, I decided to do something I haven’t done in a while: calling my best friend, in France.

It had been so long since I hadn’t spoken French! It was weird at first. She didn’t expect the call so we were both uncomfortable. But after ten minutes, it was exactly like old times. We laughed, gossiped, and talked for hours. It was pretty great. And so easy, I mean, I’ve been here for 2 years now, I hadn’t talked French in 8 months, so when you switch to your mother tongue. That’s when I realized that I had lost myself. When you speak another language, you tend to change your personality… And that’s what happened to me. The real me is French, speaks French, and live like a French. But because I hadn’t been the real me in a long time, I became this American version of me. This girl, who doesn’t know what she wants, who doesn’t stand up for what she believes in, who sells her body for god sakes.

I’m a prostitute… I’m a prostitute…. I’m a prostitute! I’ve been doing this for almost a year now, and I haven’t been able to say this out loud once. I’m a prostitute. And it’s not because I don’t pick up guys from the street that I’m something else. I’m a prostitute. Sure I have decent, rich clients who treat me well. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a prostitute. I never wanted to admit that because deep down I was ashamed of this. I’m a prostitute. I’ve tried to make excuses for what I do, but there are no excuses for that. I’m a prostitute. I’m a graduated student from one of the best school of business in France. But that doesn’t mean anything, because I’m a prostitute. Oh my god… oh my god… I’m a prostitute…

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I’m going to stop. I’m going back in France. A new start… My decision is made; I’ll be on a plane tomorrow and adios America.