What to Do When You Think You're About to Die

One instance of a panic driven night and the morning after.

1. grab your best friends hand

so tightly it might fall off

because if anyone should know you existed

it should be him

2. think about the beach

with pastel skies and charcoal sand

and try to imagine yourself there

because that's what your therapist told you to do

3. when that doesn't work

do everything you can

to ground yourself

to this earth

look at your friends

surrounding you in the car

at midnight far away

from any form of home

feel your breathe move

in and out of your body

feel your best friends hand

tightly wrapped in yours

think about how thick

your wrists are compared

to everyone else

they're like tree trucks

think about your messy hair

your untrimmed nails

and everything that makes you feel

ugly in their eyes

let it distract you

lead you away from the beach

so you can search for something

that makes you feel whole

4. when your soul starts

to wander away from your body

don't bother looking for an anchor

in your own skin no

look straight ahead

and focus on the hotel door

like they are the gates to heaven

because everything else isn't real

5. go to bed

you know you can't stop

yourself from falling

you are a tightrope walker

far below your rope

no net to catch you

only the welcoming arms

of the void

close your eyes

toss and turn in your bed

while your friend wonders

why in the world you're so restless

6. where I come from

we recognize that time flexes

so we embrace the days

and call them centuries

after 100 years have passed

get up. Get out of bed

put on your new shirt

and think hey I look good in white

7. put those bracelets back on

and highlight those meaty hands

your arms are tree trunks

because you were made to move mountains

8. make a playlist

of every song that makes you feel

like a biker in a leather jacket

and a desperado ripped out of a spaghetti western

let the music fill your veins

let yourself feel every symptom

flow out of your body

and ignite them

you are a phoenix

and out of the inferno

you will rise reborn

cleansed and strong

9. plant your feet

square your shoulders

clench your fists

and remember

how it feels

to look at your life

and no longer be afraid

of what the ending will be

remember this moment

when you're curled up in your bed

at midnight because

it always happens at midnight

remember that you survived

every life threatening moment

you've ever

faced

10. why is this one any different