Drifting

There is a sense of Urgency in everyday life

Lights green, gotta go.

Lights red, time to turn green. 

Someones got a secret? 

Got to know.

There is a sense of Urgency in breath. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Take a bite, swallow. 

Sip the coffee, 

empty the spout. 

There is a sense of Urgency in your smile.

What does it mean, is it meant for me?

Are you happy, or is it a mask. 

Do I make a joke,

or will you take it mean?

There is a sense of Urgency in everyday life. 

The clock ticks nearer to our death,

yet we watch it, hoping for it to pass. 

There is a sense of Urgency, 

even in your last breath. 

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at poetry. Please tear it apart. Thank you.

Reviews

[Evariste Galois]

The rhyme scheme you've chosen, though simple, is infinitely more sophisticated than the rhyming couplets or ABAB schemes that many amateur poets gravitate towards and is a great choice for closing out stanzas with "oomph".

Your first stanza is the best in my opinion. The syllables are all sharp and staccato (lots of sharp 't' sounds and hard 'g' sounds) which reflects the 'urgency' you're concerned with. The final 3-syllable "Got to know" line rolls off the mind's tongue effortlessly and is an fitting way to cap off that first section of verse.

Now, the title of the poem is 'Drifting' so I am not sure if this was is intentional or not, but the poem seems to "drift" away from that initial tempo in the next 3 stanzas. You use slightly longer words and softer letter sounds (like 'b' and 'm') which slow down the "urgency" considerably from a reader's perspective. If that was not the intended effect then I would suggest actively choosing syllable lengths and consonant sounds so as to reflect the overall tone. Remember, the reader doesn't know how a poem is "supposed" to be read. You must give them some indication. Reading a poem is much like reading song lyrics without knowing how the tune goes.

Another reason I thought your first stanza was the best was the amount of alliteration it contained relative to the stanzas. Our internal monologue sounds naturally more poetic when it is rattling off repeated consonant sounds and I would have liked to see that more in the other verses.

Overall it's good quality work especially if it really is your first attempt at poetry. Keep refining your style because you're already better than many who've been trying longer.