True Intentions.....

A Story by blondecat84

about life, love, and all the more

I now realize that it was never me. It was never me you wanted. It was whoever was in my life as a friend or a family member is who you truly wanted, not me. It was never me you wanted. It was the vehicle I was driving, or it was my parents home, or it was just money you were after that I never have. It was kids I never had, or it was kids you thought I would have. It was never me.

As I drive down this dirt road all alone, it felt freeing, but it's like someone should have been there, but they're not. I park my car and sit there and realize, I guess I'm just doomed to be alone. It was never me. Timing would only work on your time and not mine. There was only a certain time we could be together, if it was only a hour or however long you wanted me there, then just told me my time is up, it's time to leave each time.

I have my faults in health and get mocked at and made fun of as if I made it all up or it isn't or wasn't as bad as it was or is. No one can feel someone else's pain and no one has felt like another as if they've already died a million years ago and are just still here, but not really alive, just have been walking dead for a really long time.

It never will truly feel as if I'll crawl out of this dark cave, ever. When time is spent with me, it's until you just get tired of using me or just tired of the benefit of using me, just plain out tired of seeing me. I don't see who even wants to see me at all especially on an every day basis.

I can surely get a job anywhere, but my neck is always killing me, it's literally killing me. I'll get that job and earn less than what it would be me running there and back, was it worth it? I'll still be living in my car no matter what. I'll still be stuck and be nothing. I just guess I'll never understand why people want to waste their time on anything anymore. Don't waste your time on me if that's all it's gonna be.