One Night Stand

A poem I wrote after deciding to sleep with an ex boyfriend (whom I hadn't slept with before). I slept with him to "get back" at my fiancé who had left me and started sleeping with someone else.

I keep showering but the filth won't leave
driven by a force much stronger than you or me
hate, revenge, guilt, pain
shame
for the things I have done

the breeze keeps bringing your scent
offending my senses
and making my stomach turn
how could I have been so blinded?

green eyes
red hands
black heart

turn to stone 

by the one 

who owns me

perfume can't mask this odor
it reeks of your sweat
and of my guilty crime

I feel dirty
I feel sick
I feel nauseous
at the thought of you
penetrating me
tainting me
disgusting me

but I let it control me
I gave in

when I thought I was standing a fighting chance
I was killing the ones on my side of the fence
my own voice
my own defense

so I'll take another shower
and wash this mistake off my skin
and finally learn
to never make it again

Author's Note

Written 03/2006

Reviews

[allura]

i really enjoy this piece, i feel that in this poem you are also blaming yourself for the horrible things that have happened, which I am no stranger to.
nicely written

[Jupiter]

Thank you, Allura. You really hit the nail on the head here. I was blaming myself for many things at the time. The demise of my relationship and the horrible slip of judgment to have "revenge sex". Sorry if you have felt this way, no one should. Though I suppose it is all a part of life.

Jupiter

[Angi]

This one makes me feel things, things I would rather forget. ...and I suppose that's a good thing. Very nice work.

[Jupiter]

Sorry, Angi. I really know how that is. My favorite time of poetry is one that makes me feel... feel anything really. I liked to be moved. Unfortunately, at times, that means being moved into something I'd rather forget. Those are usually the best pieces though.

Jupiter

[Angi]

Oh no, don't be sorry. We all have a path that we have walked. I agree, the best pieces make you feel something. There is no requirement for what. Angi

[RachelReaper]

I really, really liked this poem, the way it flowed and the message it brought. That people make mistakes, but you've got to wash it off and not make the same mistake again.

[Jupiter]

Thank you, Rachel. It was a hard moment in my life. While it seemed so trivial, it did take quite a while to wash it away.

Jupiter

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think this is a good confessional rant...but in the sixth stanza i would change it to "at the thought of you/ penetrating me/ tainting me/ disgusting me"

we get the same message but the original language takes away from the poem..the rest hints, is subtle...and i believe more powerful...

just thoughts.

jacob

[Jupiter]

Very good points, Jacob! You are very right. I wrote this a long time ago and hadn't quite developed the more mature writing I have now.

I have changed it. Thank you again