The Matrix Socket

Must be loose because I'm depressed.

My depression is caused by the overwork

triggered by my complex and far reaching

model of the world. My model is an

elaborate representation containing many factors

and involving many people in many places

incorporating behavioral patterns across many

systems. Like people beginning the worship

of technology - when so much trust is

placed in machines that humans will literally

go to sleep within the machine. My depression

is caused by my ability to understand across

a stretch of time unrecognizable to most people.

A thin sheet of neural activity can only handle

so much before it begins to twist and fold -

if you can remember your way back out of

the fold then the model is still accurate, but

as soon as you cannot discern the twist

and the folds seem endless then the model

can no longer be trusted because it is no

longer yours: you have now become part of it.

Welcome to reality!

My depression is caused by the overwork

of my id triggered by my severe need for

comfort and protection. My ego is like a

small child that constantly needs assurance

that their actions are safe and they will

not be harmed by anything outside of their

comfort bubble. The level of self need is

crippling and the desire to follow self's

wants is paralyzing. A faith in self as the

most important entity in the universe -

when so much meaning is placed in self that

the world ceases to have any purpose and

turns into a dark place quite unrecognizable

to most people. A meaningful experience can

only be so personal before it diminishes the

same experience for others around - if

this begins to expand the problem of

loneliness becomes profound and those most

comforting become discomforted themselves

and can no longer tolerate the grave

obsession with self which is now alone.

Welcome to reality!

Author's Note

Can you see your own life as a story?