past habits

it's self preservation
when i back away
because i can't be here
when you smile her way
it's to keep me sane
when i act this way
and it works for me
i don't want to say
that it hurts so bad
because it sounds harsh
and you're already sad
i won't make it worse
she pushes and pulls
she smiles and holds
you when i'm away
and i know it's not worth it
to ask you to stay
because in the end i'd lose
and you'd go back to her
and that thought hurts so much
i'd really prefer
a distant friend's whip
releasing me from this painful bit
beat my body
make me scream
until it seems
like i've flown away
and forgotten thoughts
of love, love lost
of her bitter frost
i'm sorry, but i must
just back away

Author's Note

I fully appreciate reviews, especially when they tear apart my work in an attempt to make it better. Rip, tea, break it down. Tell me how you do not like it, how to make it better. I want your opinion. Truly.