old dan is paranoid

Old Dan is paranoid.

I just ran into him on

the sidewalk.

 

He says to me:

Your buddies just drove by.

I say:

What buddies?

He says:

Your buddies.

 

Old Dan thinks I'm spying on him.

He thinks I'm in cahoots with the cops.

Dan smokes that fake marijuana s**t.

And he smokes the real s**t.

 

Old Dan tries to talk to me

about God and the Bible.

He tells me I'm a sinner and

that he's righteous.

Well, he doesn't say those exact words,

but what he says, says that.

 

I've tried to be nice to Dan,

but it doesn't help.

Just coming into contact with him

makes him more paranoid towards me.

 

Old Dan doesn't live at the Christmas Tree House.

He's friends with the owner.

He come's by all of the time to smoke

with Old Diddy, the owner.

 

Just last week Dan walked into my

house smoking a cigarette.

I said to him:

Hey man, you can't smoke in here.

He says to me:

Why not?

I say:

Because I said so.

He says:

You got an ash tray?

I say:

No man, I just told you there's no smoking in here.

He says:

I don't give a s**t.

I say:

I don't care if you don't give a s**t.... Get the f**k out of here.

 

Dan just walked out the door after that.

 

He's next door at the Christmas Tree House smokin' up right now.

I'm about to walk next door

and rattle his cage a little bit before dinner.

After that I'll watch 30 Rock.

Then I'll call my boys at

the station and let them know that

our plan to catch Dan is

working perfectly.

 

Reviews

[TLK]

"Dan just walked out the door after that." Heh!

Nice little glimpse at the mundane jigsaw pieces of paranoia. Also, the title is excellent and I might steal it (fair use, motherf*er).