Somewhere Out There In Rainbow Space

The world is a very strange place

that we tend to take for granted.

It is as though we have ventured

into outer space and found ourselves

landed upon an endangered island

that is dying as I write this piece,

and as I hum this lovely melody

and dance until the sun’s morning light

shines upon the world one last time,

and I know that it will be a night

that I will remember for a lifetime,

and into the afterlife as I soar

beyond the heavens and the evermore,

upon the milky way galaxy’s shore

and further beyond the cosmic waves

that allow me to breathe in space.

I will build a castle on mars

made out of milky way candy bars

that will melt into a galactic door

that I may open and find myself

bleeding yarn from my open pores,

allowing me to knit myself a kite

and fly myself through the cosmic sky

as I witnessed a cow jumping over the moon,

then finding itself upon the big dipper

and becoming a rover of space and time,

though I am aligned with planet Earth,

and for what it’s worth I already know

that the moon’s serene glow cannot contain

the rain that falls upon the earthly soil

from the clouds above where the Sun

and the moon are passionately in love

like two turtle doves, like you and I,

as we flow through the river of time

and as we align, I may take your hand

as we escape the desert quicksand

and find ourselves in a foreign place

somewhere out there in rainbow space.

Reviews

[dan]

Brian, This is a very ambitious and adventurous write. I must say, however, that the overuse of commas runs rampant throughout the piece. At one point seven commas in nine lines; at another point seven comma lines in a row. It's quite distracting. Brian, you have such immense talent and a lot to say that has real meaning. You really must try to correct this faux pas. Please don't let me discourage you; I only say this in a hopefully constructive manner. Please keep writing and sending me RRs. Don't let punctuation mar your talent, please? take care...dan

[Brian M. Peeples]

A Square Balloon, the first piece you'd helped me edit and revise would be the last poem I'd worked on, as this one and 'A Paper Mache Heart' were both written before it. So, having said that, I hadn't looked back previously at these two poems you've reviewed and changed anything until now. I tend to use commas as an emphasis on pauses and breaks in my work, which I should try to correct and fix in hopes that my poems flow more freely. Once I hit a certain number of poems that I've written in total, I'll be going through every poem and revising them. I have extremely old poems that need immense editing, and as the usual writer, I loathe the editing and revising phase. A lot of my poems are raw, as in written, looked over once, and put out. But no serious editing, which I will be doing. So, I thank you for your review, definitely keep sending me them and I do take feedback in a positive way that will help me and assist me in becoming a better writer.

[Angelique]

This is a great piece...keep on writing :)

[A. Amos]

You my friend and truly gifted writer and what I'm enjoying the most about your work is...everything you create is fresh and original. Bravo!

[Doodley]

Very inventive as i told you before.
A free flowing series of images pouring forth on the sounds of a song.
Love the Idea of building a castle on Mars out of Milky Way Bars.......Very original wording and a great rhyme in that one.
This has a kind of psychedelic feeling to it, no doubt inspired by the songs you have been listening to.
Creative and Very different. Nice work!

[Brian M. Peeples]

Thank you, friend! I appreciate yet another amazing review from you. This is probably one of my favorite poems to have written because not only do I think so very often like this, but I was finally able to put my thoughts into words in the surrealist of ways, which is just the person I am. I used to fear writing like this because it expresses my personality and the way I am quite accurately, and I was afraid of being judged by my oddities. But now, I'm just going with the flow, and loving it!
And yeah, the 'castle on Mars made out of Milky Way candy bars', I'm still not quite sure how I came up wit that, but I enjoyed writing it haha.
Thanks once again!

[zaisham9393]

Another amazing write my friend.
Thank You so much for sharing :)!

[Brian M. Peeples]

And thank you for reviewing! I do appreciate it. :)

[Emily]

Lovely wording!
Keep on writing!!

[Nisreen]

Its funny we take a look at nature and see a million love stories
everything out there is in love
and we just sink into that with all our hearts

beautiful write