A Dream Inside A Jar

I caught a dream inside a jar,

before it flew all too far.

I wondered what it was about,

but I dared not let it out.

Perhaps if I could just fall asleep,

maybe then I could take a peek.

Just one, that’s all I would need,

before the dream flew out on me.

A dream can disappear at any time,

and this is why I captured mine.

Bottled it up to keep it safe and sound,

but all I did was tether it down.

There was no way for it to fly;

to soar, and to go far beyond this life.

So what was once a pleasant dream

then became a distant memory.

It was then that I opened the jar,

and let my dream fly ever so far.

It seemed quite different from before,

I could tell by the way it soared.

Once a dream trapped inside me,

I’d let it out so that it would fly free.

and, perhaps, for all the world to see.

Now, wouldn’t that be a pleasant dream?

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

I really like the playfulness in this poem. The rhythm and simple rhyming compliments quite well. I'd say my favorite part is the end.

"I'd let it out so that it would fly free
and, perhaps, for all the world to see."

How these and the preceding lines and stanzas play a fanciful trick on you when having read the final line,

"Now, wouldn't that be a pleasant dream?"

My only advice would be for you to watch your syllables and structure. I think you're going for a recurrent coherent rhythm (at least that's my impression) but you dip between 7 and 10 syllables per line randomly at no pattern. This can mess with how smoothly the audience anticipates how the poem should be read. Mostly, I wouldn't comment on that, but it just seems that's an apparent structural intention. If not, then consider this advice withdrawn.

Regardless, I really enjoyed. Just my two cents. Thanks for sharing! Keep writing!

[Brian M. Peeples]

Thanks for the review! Much appreciated, and as I do so appreciate the advice, I will say that although you're right about it possibly messing with how smoothly the audience anticipates how the poem should be read, I made it in a way so that the reader can read the poem in their own way. I read it, myself, in a way that made it fit and the difference between syllables per line didn't matter. It still flowed. I don't like to set things in stone. If a reader would rather read it differently than I had, that's okay. I try not to limit poetry with a set of rules because poetry, and all other kinds of art, are meant to break the rules that were placed.

As Pablo Picasso once said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist”

Apologies if I mistook your advice for something else entirely. If I had, disregard this comment and what was said in it. But, overall, thank you for your review and comment!