Dissoultion

A story of the mistakes one makes because of love....

 

Dissolution

I opened my eyes wide, without really thinking about it. I was just so surprised to see the man, standing at the end of my bed. It wasn’t so much that he was standing there – so many people had stood at that exact same spot so many, many times in the last few weeks, I’d lost count. Heck, I couldn’t even tell you how many people had stood there today – or was it yesterday? I couldn’t be sure because there was no clock anywhere in my line of vision, so I had no way of knowing whether it was before or after midnight. What I was surprised about was that it was him that was standing there. I never thought he would come. I hadn’t heard from him in what felt like ages, though it was only a month. He had seemed so awkward, that one time we’d seen eachother after we had our “talk”.

            “Hey,” he whispered, “You’re awake.”

            “Yes, Daniel,” I whispered back, “I am. What are you doing here?”

            “I…I…I came to see you. I didn’t come before, but, uh, I didn’t know if you wanted to see me or not,” he stuttered.

            I gave him a weak smile that I wasn’t quite sure he saw by the few pale rays of moonlight filtering in from the windows behind me. “Of course I wanted to see you, why wouldn’t I?”

            I could see that he was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, and my questions had not helped things. “Well…well…um…I know that after, um, we talked things between us have been…” As he searched for the right word, I studied his face. Those clear blue eyes I knew so well were now set in a concentrating and confused state. His nostrils were flaring, as they always did when he was thinking. And, his mouth was set, his lips pressed firmly into a line. I could think back to a time when I had never seen his face contort into such an expression. The first time I had seen that face was not long ago, not long at all. It was that day he sat me down on my bed and told me…

    But then, he found the word, interrupting my thoughts. “…strained. But we’ve been friends so long that I felt I had to come and drop by.” He tired to smile, but it only came out as a grimace. Before I said anything else, I motioned to the chair next to my bed, which had been recently vacated by my mom. He sat and waited for me to say something.

    “Daniel, now, I know you don’t like talking about this but we have to,” I started as I watched his lips press into a thinner line. “I love you, I really do. Just not the way you want me to. When you told me that you cared for me – in more that just a friend sorta way – I was shocked, speechless. That’s why I told you to leave. I didn’t know what to say.”

    We sat in silence for a moment, as he contemplated what he wanted to say and I looked over at the clock on the wall to my right – 11:45. “Rebecca, I love you too. You know that, but, well, it’s just I don’t want to pressure you, and I want us to stay friends, at least. Can we do that?”

    I nodded, vigorously. “Of course that’s all I want.” He smiled, and just like that I had my old Daniel back. I smiled back, sat up and wrapped my hands around him. He put his face in my hair, burying all of our awkwardness in the many strands. I felt his lips on the top of my head just before he pulled back, just slightly. We both still had our arms around each other, but our heads were pulled away – starring at the other. I looked into those aqua eyes, while he stared into my own chestnut eyes. I don’t know for certain what he saw in my eyes, but what I saw in his were extraordinary – unlike anything I’d ever seen. Through his eyes I saw all the love he felt for me, but also saw something else. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was at first. But once I had determined what it was that I saw in those deep eyes my eyes welled up with tears and spilled over.

    Daniel touched my face, where I knew a tear or two was trailing. “You’re crying,” he murmured, as if it wasn’t obvious. “Why?”

    “I, I, It’s just…” I couldn’t finish – I had realized something. But that realization, that awareness, made me a liar. “I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

    “What? Why? Why are you sorry?”

    “I’m a liar, a big fat liar.” I was blubbering now, but I didn’t care. I was just so upset that I could be so stupid.

    “No, no you’re not,” he replied, as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I nodded, unable to talk. “Why? Why are you a liar?”

    He waited while I wiped away the tears and snot from my face and composed myself enough to talk. When I had I mumbled, “Because I told you something that was a lie.”

    He looked at me with a perplexed look on his face – he had no idea. I took his hands in my own looked him straight in the eye for a second, before leaning in to, tentatively, touch my lips to his own. I lifted my head for a millisecond to check his reaction – taken aback – before leaning down again. This time I kept my lips on his for several seconds, and then he reacted. Either he bounced out of his shock or he decided that I wasn’t kidding, because he moved his hands slightly up my back and pulled me closer. After several more seconds of kissing him, my heart rate slowly climbed, making various machines I was attached to sing. I pulled away, not wanting to bring the nurses into the room.

    Daniel slowly lifted his head, licking his lips, eyes closed. “Hmmm,” he said, “wow, umm, why did you do that?”

    I laughed, but it wasn’t a real laugh. No, it was a nervous laugh, something I hadn’t done in a long while. “I was trying to make up for lying to you.”

    “You, uh,” he chuckled, opening his eyes, “certainly made up for whatever it was you were trying to make up for. What exactly was that?”

    “Lying to you.”

    He sighed, exasperated. “Yes, I know,” he said, a slight hint of impatience crawling into his voice, “what exactly were you lying about?”

    I looked down as I said, “About not loving you the way you want me to. I do, I really truly do.” I looked at him; he looked confused, like he didn’t get what I was trying to say to him. But then, he took a hold of my chin and pulled my mouth to his. This time I didn’t pull away when the machines behind me stated beeping, as my heart rate skyrocketed.

    The nurse that came must have thought she would find something else than she did. She came in the room, calmly looking at my chart, but when she looked up and found me fused to Daniel she stopped dead in her tracks.

    “Miss Poole,” she screeched. I dragged my face away from Daniel’s and looked up at my nurse as if she hadn’t just walked in on a less than appropriate moment.

    “Yes,” I asked sweetly.

    “You should not,” she shrieked, “share moments like you have just finished sharing, not in your condition.” Oh, the reason I was in here – the disease – right. How could I be so stupid? I looked over at Daniel, my stomach gave a lurch, while my face drained, sure to make my already pale complexion that much paler. I could give Daniel the exact thing that I had now, this horrible, horrible disease that had hospitalized me for three and a half weeks.

    “I…I…” I tried to say something; what, I’m not exactly sure. But I never got to say it because at that exact moment everything went black.

    When I opened my eyes again sunlight was streaming in the small window above my head. Small? But hadn’t I had a huge wall length window before? I heard a groan from my right and looked over. A curtain had been pulled closed, so the two-person room could give privacy to the two different occupants. Two-person room? But hadn’t I had a single-person room? Yes, yes I had. So they had moved me while I had been out.

    Just then a nurse walked in, saw I was awake and said, “Miss Poole, nice to see you awake.” But then I heard her say, “Finally,” under her breath.

    “Umm,” I said, sorry to interrupt her since she was obviously not happy with me, “how long was I unconscious?” She held up three fingers up – three days. “Umm, where is Daniel? Is he alright?” She didn’t answer the second question but pointed to the other side of the curtain in answer to my first one. So I had hospitalized him. It took a few moments for that to sink in, but when it did an overwhelming sense of self-loathing and pain, though the pain was for Daniel.

    It was unlike anything I had experienced. My heart felt like it was being wretched out of my chest. My stomach seemed empty and twisted. My eyes watered, wanting to cry – for Daniel, for me, for my parents and family, for everyone. How had I let this happen? As soon as the nurse made her exit I jumped out of bed, I slowly made my way of to the curtain, dragging my various tubes and IV pole along behind me. I pulled aside the curtain with such force that it nearly fell off the track on the ceiling, but when I did get it open the sight I saw was so forlorn that I nearly fainted. When I felt my knees were strong enough I took a few hesitant steps towards the bed. Daniel’s face was ashen and pale, just has mine had been the first week I was here, before they figured out what I had. Did that mean they didn’t know what it was yet? No, that can’t be right, they knew I had given it to him and he had what I have. His once clear blue eyes were now murky and foggy, but open. Slowly, they moved in my direction and rested on my face. Still just as slowly, he licked his lips.

    “Hi. Rebecca. You’re. Awake.” He word sounded like it took every ounce of strength he had. How could I do this do him? I collapsed onto my knees. Now kneeling, I buried my face in the sheets and started to cry. I don’t know how long I sat there kneeling at his bed, crying, but after awhile I felt his arm wrap around my back. I looked up into his face, still horribly pallid, but full of hope, which is more than I had – much more. I crawled up onto his bed and lay next to him, my head on his chest. He and I laid there for who knows how long, me in his arms and me on his chest, listening to his steady breathing.

    After what must have been hours, the breathing slowed and stopped completely. I was too far-gone to comprehend what this meant, even so when I heard the beeping of one his machines, when he flat lined. So there I was, in the arms of the love of my life, who was now no longer alive and all I could think about is that if I were to die right in that moment, it would be the best way to go. And just as I thought this I floated into darkness…

Reviews

[Wicahpi]

I was just reading through this storyline when I came across something that needs to be clarified.

..."or was it yesterday? I couldn't be sure because there was (no clock) anywhere in my line of vision, so I had no way of knowing whether it was before or after midnight."

vs.

..."as he contemplated what he wanted to say and )I looked over at the clock on the wall) to my right � 11:45."

~*~

"...I looked into those aqua eyes, while he stared into my own chestnut eyes. I don't know for certain what he saw in my eyes, but what I saw in his were extraordinary � unlike anything I'd ever seen. Through his eyes I saw all the love he felt for me, but also saw something else. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was at first. But once I had determined what it was that I saw in those deep eyes my eyes welled up with tears and spilled over."

I'd suggest rewriting this section removing some of the *eyes*. I found it too repetative. That's just my opinion, one you may consider or not.
~*~

Otherwise my only other suggestion is to watch out for continued repetative behavior, by simply changing a word...if you reread through, slowly, you'll notice what I do.

Now, as far as the story, how sad!! I am left curious as to what kind of disease Rebecca has. I can relate to the story line. Longing Love, Love Denied, Love Realized...

It may have a sad ending, though it could be happy, too. Depends on how you look at it. Over all it has potential with the right edits to structure and overuse of certain words in a sentence and/or paragraph.

You did a good job for just starting out. We have to start someplace, right? A few tweaks and you'll have it perfect before long!

Welcome to the Writers Cafe!! If you have any questions, or need any help, do not hesitate to ask.

Peace n Light