I'm the man

[A/N: I just read the poem "I'm the girl" of littlestarcrossed in wattpad.com which astonished me. So i write my own version. Thanks! ]

 

I'm the man who wishes to be appreciated,

to be needed, to be cared for.

The man who wants some attention,

love, faith, and inspiration.

 

I'm the man who used to be ignored,

and who used to be forgotten.

The man with great fears inside

of expressing his own insights.

 

I'm the man who can't fight

because I know that it'll never be right.

I'm the one who can't understand

all those opinions that they stand for.

 

I'm the man who has a different perception,

about the world and our own nation.

I am the one who sees the beauty

behind those pure simplicity.

 

I'm the man who was so dull.

The man who needs even a single pal.

I'm the man whose afraid to lose

those simple little things that I had at my worst.

 

I'm the man who fall for once

to a girl who gave me no chance.

I'm the one who gave it all,

but all those I need,

      I achieved it. Not at all.

 

[A/N: comments???? hit the vote tab.... thanks!!]

Author's Note

reviews?

Reviews

[mhaie]

nice masterpiece.

[chuna]

hope,,,i'll be a man too,,,
CHAROT!

[bryandc15]

hahaha.....

[Jess]

woahhhh,,,nice piece bry,,,ikaw n tlaga!!!;-)

[CecilA]

Bryan,

Great concept and inspiration. I read 'I'm A Girl' which you referenced from littlestarcrossed on watt.pad.com and got a feel for your inspiration.

It seems to be rushed a little.The beginning and until 'I'm the one who sees the beauty' is great. After that I believe it looses continuity a little.

This is not saying your poetry is wrong or poorly written; just needs a little TLC.

I suggest you read it aloud again and do a rewrite with focus on continuity of theme. Check your momentum from 'I'm the one who sees the beauty' and see how it relates to your beginning.

Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this with us.


Cecil

[bryandc15]

thanks..