Condemned

Wrote this tonight while trying to sleep

I'm cut up, 

wish I was speaking about the surface

You're stuck up,

but covered in scars and imperfections

sitting here drowning in all the recollections

letting go of that life ring known as bliss

makes me wonder if you were ever really worth it

were you ever really worth this

this haunting masquerade 

and dizzying facade

you are about as fake

as an egg of faberge

but still my heart was yours to take

rabbit holes and faded goals

blame it on prescriptions

blame it on addictions if you want

but it's your love that still haunts

titanic waves that sank me deep

emotions cascading over me

think I'm drowning in your insanity

this cacophony starts to feel serene

moments like movie scenes

you seemed surrounded in angelic breeze

locked me up and threw away the keys

your heart is never easy to please

scalding water seems to pale

in comparison to your scream

I let you down again

you remind me like I'm condemned

Author's Note

Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[clisa]

I feel your angst, and your unhappiness. Your second stanza should have 5 lines also, for consistency sake. I like your use of alliteration in the third stanza. I'm having a little trouble with the first stanza wish (I was speaking about the surface/you're stuck up,) I'm having trouble understanding what exactly you mean - the surface she is stuck up on? Her surface and she is stuck up? It's a little confusing. I loved the rest - you did a great job exploring your emotions and there were some nice metaphors. The first three stanzas might need a little work.

[Bryan_Himmel]

I redid a few minor things and made a few changes based off your recommendations, I do not know if that helped make it clearer. But I do hope that this made it lean further into the correct direction. Thank you for the review and I am glad that you appreciated it.