Ever Day and Every Night

12th poem

Every day we pass a glance

Every day I sink into a trance

I can only dream of the day

When she and I will say

“I love you” to one another.

 

Every night I think to myself

Every night I say to myself

“She likes another.

She only sees you like a brother,

Only you wish to be more”

 

So everyday and night are all the same

Thinking about her and this little game

Loving her is something I won’t regret

No I won’t regret and I won’t forget

How much I loved her.

Reviews

[Lizzy]

another great poem...
...once again it's easy to relate to.

I especialy like the last stanza it's a great ending.
This makes me feel really sorry for this guy.
You convey his emotions and what he's going through brilliantly.

really well done

~Lizzie

xox

[Raef C. Boylan]

This one is not bad at all.
It's a shame that the first-and-second-line repetition broke down in the last stanza.

With a bit of punctuation, and maybe some slight changes to the layout, this would stand out as being an honest and straightforward poem.

Punctuation suggestions:

"Every day we pass a glance,
Every day I sink into a trance;
I can only dream of the day
When she and I will say

�I love you� to one another.

Every night I think to myself,
Every night I say to myself:
�She likes another.
She only sees you like a brother,

Only you wish to be more.�

So everyday and night are all the same,
Thinking about her and this little game.
Liking her is something I won�t regret,
No I won�t regret and I won�t forget

How much I liked her."

First line: you could try swapping "pass" for "exchange" or "share", because "pass" could be interpreted as the two of you never glancing.

Second stanza, third line: not really enough syllables, makes this stanza a bit awkward. Would: "Forget it. She likes another." work for you?

How about:
"Forget it. She likes another
And only sees you as a brother."? (like = 'as' so that there aren't 2 "likes" close together, same for "she" to 'and')

To avoid the two "onlys" (repetition can be good, but in short pieces you should keep it to a minimum, as it can come across as lazy writing), you could change the last line of stanza two to something like:
"It's just you wishing to be more"
OR
"You alone wish to be more."
OR something similar.

All these suggestions for change are only suggestions.
It's your poem; don't let anyone else take it over. I'm just not very good at explaining stuff without examples.
Overall, i think this could be good.
Thanks for posting it.