Confusion

the thoughts of a young, odd boy

Confusion.
How can it not be simple. Love. Hate. Repeat. That is what it is. The constant unknown taunts my sanity. She doesn't see it nor does she understand what it's like; the reoccurring struggle to stay happy is only the face of this sentiment and the true struggle is hidden beneath the forced smiles and the lacerated wrists.
She is perfect but not as it seems. perfect is not a positive representation of a person and I look upon her in aversion knowing 'normal' is a life that she pities, a life that I need.
I want eternity to fear us, I want pain to refuse us. I want her. I've got her. That is the curse. I'm too in love to let go, I'm too smart to hold on. Time is my solution and all I need is for it to stop,slow down and iterate; time waits for no one and my choice must be made now. Leave? Stay? Run away? Being with her is torture but torture has never felt so fitting.
Her neglection feels like
endless hooks tearing into me, reeling me into raw emotion, eating at me and disregarding a broke lifeless me. Her attention feels bewildering, as if under an elusive spell, momentarily blinding me from my hatred towards a vast quantity of things.
She takes the qualities of a piranha but the appeal of an angel, Eating away until nothing is left except the
BARON Body of an innocent teenager. I would have never believed that dying felt so good.
What do I do? Love is not
meant to feel like this is it?
...Is it?

Author's Note

First story/poem
Please ignore the very many grammar issues
I am aware it is extremely short
ALL feedback, positive and negative is welcome
I'm not really sure what category of writing this is meant to be in so a little advise would be nice :)