LOST

I don’t know how
To stop hurting

I’ve grown so used
To the aches and stings
In my chest and my
Hip and my arm
That I start to miss
It when it’s gone

How do I move on
Without this pain?

I’ve never lived
Without it and
I miss it like an
Estranged lover
When it starts
To finally leave
Me alone

Soaring through
Dirt and soil skies

I want to die
But mostly I
Just want to
Disappear

Falling asleep
Without waking up

Do you know
How much it
Hurts to want
Something
You can never
Have?

I feel fated
To live in
The ground

Reviews

[Kate]

This struck a chord in my heart. I used to be able to relate to this so much. Maybe I still do? Pain has always been an escape. This poem shows the reality of depression and anxiety.
Thank you for sharing.

[Lost]

Thank you very much Kate :) I’m glad that my writing connects with somebody, but I’m also sorry you’ve have to experience this as well.

I hope all is well with you and those you love,
Thanks again!

[angel]

Honey, if you got rid of your pain, let me in on how!
I can't imagine being sorry to see it go, or missing it if it did.
Sometimes, it gets so bad, I almost want to dire. Can't imagine missing it.

[Lost]

I didn’t get rid of my pain, I just stopped or lessened some unhealthy behaviors. I struggle with an eating disorder and self harm. Stopping these behaviors is often bittersweet for me because I know I need to, but I don’t always want to. This is just kind of about having the urges to engage in that kind of behavior or I guess.

[Lost]

Also, it sounds like you’re struggling too. I can understand where you might be coming from, as I often battle with suicidal thoughts. The best thing you can do is REACH OUT to others. Even if you don’t want to or don’t think you have the energy. Find your support people and keep them close; you should never feel ashamed or burdensome talking to them because they love you. Getting the help you need from other resources is helpful too. Even if it’s tedious and feels pointless, it can help to talk to a professional. It just takes time to make a difference and to find the right people. I hope all is well with you and those you love, and I wish you the best of luck.

[angel]

Suicidal thoughts-- I have thought about getting out of pain that way, but it was a passing thought. It's never been an option; I've never seriously CONSIDERED it.
Right now, I am struggling with leg pain, but I wouldn't take such a drastic step. After all, I would also lose all the GOOD aspects of life.
Outside of this site, and one friend who lives in PA and is very busy with raising 2 small children on her own, I'm afraid that no one loves me or gives a steaming crap.
I am married, but he cares only about Trumpty.
I used to say, jokingly, that I always figured that if another man came between us, I would be the one in love with him. Alas, what began as a joke has become sad reality. He couldn't care less about me. All I get from him is accusations and a lot of verbal abuse.
Fortunately, I had a good, supportive father who gave me a strong sense of self esteem, so I don't need his approval or admiration. Still, it would be nice to get through a day without hearing about my failings, which, I admit, are many, mostly due to failing memory.
As for my family, they are all Jehovah's Witnesses, which I walked away from back in 1972, so I am dead to them.
So, all of you here is pretty much all I have, now. My other friends are either dead, or living far away. Thanks for listening.

[Lost]

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you’re stuck in a place where you feel so alone, and that you’re experiencing pain. I hope that you always find the strength to look towards a new day and better tomorrow. Best wishes.

[angel]

Thanks. Now that I've found this place, I am doing better. I think I'll be okay.
Thank you for caring.

[Lost]

Of course :)