Chain Smoking

Running free through silver gates

abandoning life and things I create

facing the unthinkable cost

Sleep is a dream that I see when I wake

as I shiver and sweat, and shrug off the aches

this chain-smoking life is wearing me down

More heroes then ever, yet villains prevail

it's not the old, but the young that are frail

every lesson learned, is another discomfort

Perversions and diversions, drugs and dirt 

my blocked and battered lungs are beginning to hurt

And I've never been so aware that I'm alive

But it isn't a nice, uplifting high

it's the acidic rain that falls from the sky 

With each test, another part's demise

Delusional, frantic, misunderstood

a reincarnation of Burroughs would be good

My concentration wanes - I need a smoke

Reviews

[Sydney]

This line "as I shiver and sweat, and shrug off the aches" I think the "as" should be taken off since you say it in the previous line, it would flow better in my opinion. Other than that, beautiful flow and nice word choice. I enjoyed this thoroughly

[Daniel Washington]

Thanks for the kind words. I do agree, the "as" repetition is a bit sloppy, but I think I'd rather remove it from the previous line - I'm too used to how it starts

[Sydney]

Ah i see. Good choice