Untitled Screenplay (for now)

Ashley Young gets assigned to work with Ben Marin to solve the murders of Westchester, NY. They are both spies. Ashley is in her 20s and Ben is in high school.

DARK ALLEY - BEHIND A CLUB - NIGHT

A tanned girl steps out the back door of a club, obviously drunk. Music is heard pumping inside but is quieted when the door slams shut behind KAYLIE. She continues to stumble down the empty alley, continually tripping over her tall heels and trying to avoid potholes.

KAYLIE RIVERA 

Tonight was so fun...

Her words are slurred as she continues to speak to herself.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D) 

I just love dancing.

(hums a tune of a song)
I wish this night would never end. I don't wanna go home. Home is boring... Maybe I can spend the night at Sara's house. That would be fun! Oh wait, she went to Boston for the weekend...

She hears a rustle by a nearby dumpster and looks up from the ground.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D)

         H-hello?
               (pauses)

Who's there? Anybody?

There is no response but she ignores it. She continues to stagger towards the busy streets of New York City. Her mind is occupied by focusing on how to walk without crashing into a wall.

A BEEP sound goes off inside of Kaylie's purse. She reaches down for it and pulls out her cell phone. She had one new text from SCOTT ROSS.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D) 

Scott Ross? Why the hell is Scott

Ross texting me?

She opens the message and sees it is a video. She opens the video on her phone and stops walking so she can watch it. The video is of her walking in the alley. She is wearing the exact same clothes, same hair, same jewelry...

She realizes that this video is from only a few seconds ago. She is talking to herself in the video.

KAYLIE RIVERA (O.S.) (CONT'D) 

I wish this night would never end.

I don't wanna go home. Home is boring... Maybe i can spend the night at Sara's house...

Kaylie begins to freak out. She knows that Scott is here, watching her. She looks around the alley, trying to find him.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D)

Hello?

Silence.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D) 

Scott? Are you out there?

She spins nervously in circles. Tears begin to form in her eyes and her voice is shaky.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D) 

Scott. Cut it out. This isn't funny. Come out now. I'm done messing around.

Unexpectedly, a masked KILLER jumps out from behind the dumpster. Kaylie screams and drops her phone. It shatters on the ground.

She tries to turn around and run. The killer catches up to her and grabs her around the waist. Kaylie continues screaming. Nobody can hear her because the club's music was too loud.

KAYLIE RIVERA (CONT'D) 

HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE!

The killer puts one hand on her mouth to prevent her from screaming. Kaylie bites down on the killer's hand and begins to run towards the street. Her foot hits a pothole and she goes down. She scrambles back to her feet as quickly as she can.

The killer walks up to her menacingly and grabs her by the throat this time. Then the killer uses his free hand and plunges a knife into her stomach. Blood pours out and drips down the front of her party outfit.

The killer lets go of her and she falls to the ground gasping for air. She holds her wound and tries to drag herself away, without much success.

The killer gets on top of her and begins to repeatedly stab

her in the chest, shoulders, stomach, sides, etc. Finally, the killer slides the blade across Kaylie's throat and blood pours down the sides of her neck to the damp concrete of the alley.

The killer stands up and tucks the knife away. The killer begins to walk away towards the alley. We can see the mask drop to the ground next to Kaylie's dead body, but we do not see the killer's face.

DISSOLVE TO

OPENING CREDITS

VIEW OF NEW YORK CITY - DAY

A MAN, about 30s, is shown sprinting down the busy sidewalk looking scared. He occasionally pushes people out of his way. His face is torn up and bleeding and his clothes are torn in places and dirty. Some spots have dried blood.

A younger woman, mid 20s, is seen running after him. She is in business attire and she is carrying a gun.

CUT TO:

NEW YORK CITY - DAMP ALLEY - DAY

The man is now running through the puddles in the alley towards a metal ladder that is leading to the roof of the brick building next to him. He reaches the ladder and begins to climb up.

Ashley reaches the scene a few seconds later. She tucks the gun in her belt and hurriedly climbs up the ladder, hoping he won't get away. The wind was very strong and her hair and clothes are blowing around wildly.

CUT TO:

TOP OF THE BUILDING - DAY

The man is facing the opposite edge of the building than the ladder is. The sunlight on top of the building reveals his bruised eye and fat lip.

Ashley is seen climbing onto the top of the building. She straightens herself up and pulls the gun from her belt and points it at the man's back.

ASHLEY YOUNG 

The race is over, Carter.

CARTER raises his hands above his hand, surrendering.

CARTER
I didn't think you'd catch up with

me.
     (smiles)

Ashley walks up to him, presses the gun into his back, and grabs his shoulder tightly. Carter grimaces slightly.

CARTER
Alright, don't shoot. Don't shoot.

Ashley slips the gun into her belt, not letting her grip on his shoulders loosen. She pulls a pair of handcuffs from her belt and puts his wrists in them. She closes them tightly.

ASHLEY YOUNG
You have the right to remain

silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...

FADE OUT 

FADE IN

NEW YORK CITY - NEWSPAPER STAND - THE NEXT DAY

A vendor stands inside his newspaper cart and shouts at people to buy a copy of the paper. Fall leaves blow around the concrete.

The paper's headline reads "SECRET AGENT ARRESTS ONE OF THE MOST WANTED MEN IN NEW YORK CITY". Underneath the headline is an image of a blank head with a large question mark in it. Next to it is a mug shot of Carter.

NEWSPAPER VENDOR
Get your copies while they last!

They go quickly! Only a buck!

Ashley walks up to the stand with a one hand. She is in a business suit and has a cup of Starbucks with her. She smiles at the vendor.

ASHLEY YOUNG 

I'll take one.

(she hands him the one dollar bill)

NEWSPAPER VENDOR

Sure.
(hands her a newspaper)

          NEWSPAPER VENDOR (CONT'D)

Hey. Do you have any idea who this secret spy could be?

          ASHLEY YOUNG
Not a clue.

(takes the paper) 

Thank you.

She walks away from the stand and smiles.

FADE TO BLACK.

Author's Note

I just want to know what you guys think about this. Is it good? Is it good writing? Good dialogue? Good plot? Etc. I really would appreciate any comments!

Reviews

[Cyd]

I had some issues with this. This place is not the best place to post screenplays since the format will be messed up but there’s a little too much text here. Less is more.

People talking to themselves is a big no no. And as a woman I’m pretty tired of seeing girls falling in horror movies. What if the killer had been in the club and drugged her, happens all the time and are girls are really scared about being drugged at clubs. Maybe her legs can’t really function after that, maybe she can’t even scream?

Why is she walking out the back door? That sounds stupid and scary. You always have to know why people are doing things in movies, and it can’t be just because it’s convenient for you. There must be a reason for people to do and say things.

I have to admit that I read this simply because of the name Ashley Young and to me this was a black man from England :p (There’s a football player named that you see). If Ashley is a badass, make her do something really badass. Maybe some male cops are trying to corner him and fail and she comes up to save the day, show that she is not just another cop. Here she could be anyone and so could the bad guy.

Better scene headings, EXT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT

And it might be a good thing to name the night club or at least mention what area this is. Is this a fancy neighborhood or is this a bad neighborhood?

Also, what year is this? The “Extra extra, read all about it” newsboys thing, didn't that end a long time ago?

Make a strong woman, we need more interesting women in movies. Keep writing!

[Colton]

This is only a short part of the script! It's the 2 opening scenes of the movie, I will post the rest later :) I'm still working on it. I would really appreciate your comments! I hope you enjoy it!!