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Saved

Saved

A Poem by Chelsea
"

Being saved by God.

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of Saved.



Saved

Strangling me,

The grips of death are

 

Their nooses are tightening

 

I’m in a car speeding down the highway to hell

Little do I know,

I’m about to crash

 

Crashing one and for all

No returning

 

Jesus pushes me away

Away from the danger

Away from the crash

 

He takes the pain

The ache.

He saved me.

© 2011 Chelsea


Author's Note

Chelsea
Any editing suggestions? Please review :)



Featured Review

First, I'd like to say that I agree with Stephen, it'd be a great dramatic touch and would keep the flow you have by breaking down the sentence 'I'm in a car, speeding down the highway to hell'... and I'll agree his suggestion was perfect.

Other than that, the poem was great. I liked how death had a tight grip on your life, as like a noose around the neck... yet no matter what death put you through, Jesus was there to save you - ease your pain. I loved this and this is what I imagine happens to those that don't make in car crashes... I believe Jesus comes to save us from the pain and agony.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i love the message of this poem, and the alusion to the song, but the first two lines sound like yoda.. i would suggest changing the second line to "are the grips of death" unless the structure prohibits it.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your poem is very inspiring and right on. The only suggestion I can make is to make the long sentence into three smaller lines:
I’m in a car
speeding down
the highway to hell

Like that, add a dramic touch to the poem, and keeps your natural tempo flowing... Excellent piece


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yes Jesus Yeshua is a great mender he can mend even broken hearts. love this god bless lily

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Pretty Cool analogy. I like this one a lot. Nice work Chels

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

absolutely PERFECT flow, first of all. It completely explains how our Savior is so amazing. Great emotion. Most of all, though, amazing flow:)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS! Jesus saves us in so many ways that we don't even ever discover...

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Short and to the point. You are saying it like it is. Good job.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow, I like the imagery with Jesus, yes Jesus helps all of us! :D
Great write!
Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing :3

~A Fallen Heroine~

Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Great imagery, you show admireable passion in this subject.
Nice work

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think you use some very strong imagery to capture both sides of the conflict in this poem, and it comes out very clear and profound. Good work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Stats

38 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 3, 2011
Last Updated on February 3, 2011
Tags: death, nooses, car, highway, crash, pushes, danger, pain, ache, saved

Author

Chelsea
Chelsea

Canada



About
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. - Carl Sandburg Hello! Thank you for checkin’ out my page on the café! My name is Chelsea or Chels. I’m fifteen years old, your .. more..

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