"Glow"

"Glow"

We’ve all told ourselves at one point we would never do a certain something in life. A type of act you distance yourself from even talking about, because you don’t want to be that kind of person people see you as. Once disgusted and confused at the fact that people can enjoy something so destructive to your way of life, time has a way of changing that perspective in the strangest ways. What was once never, can soon turn into a maybe with the right state of mind. Curiosity can turn the worst of things into a needed experience to move past a phase in your life, it’s a craving only few have the willpower to resist. The temptation to experience things will always haunt you, craving the feeling and wanting to have more than a day dream of how that experience would be is natural for many people. That kind of dangerous feeling can empower you, and give you the ability to justifying anything you set your mind to.

Time can play tricks on you without a single warning of what’s coming, with most people it shows up in the way you think and if ever realized can turn into actions that no longer bring discomfort to your way of life. The way I’ve always seen things personally is that we all have that urge for something, but most of us never cross that line for fear of what other people would say or think of you. So Imagine this; Suddenly you were alone for one day, in a place you’ve never felt safer being in, and all your urges you’ve ever thought about were right in front of you, lit up with a bright glow, taunting you to try them at least once without anyone knowing, and the ability to feel no shame because of it, how long do you wait before you give in to your curiosity?

Well that one day the glow that taunted you, became so bright it blinded you from consequences of what you now want so badly. After that first taste proved to be not enough to satisfy the urge. That glow changed your perspective on what’s normal, unwittingly it changed you into something no-one else could recognize anymore. Some say that you never really see yourself until you have nothing else left inside of you that makes you keep moving forward. While that glow continues to taunt you, telling you to fulfil your urge, because you depend on it now to feel normal. That glow made you feel like it was the only thing that kept you moving. It made you think the move was in the right direction, you believed it because how can something that lifts you up ever bring you down?

For every temptation was another day dream of the next time you get to see that glow, it is all you think about now. It became something you would do absolutely anything for, you felt like you couldn’t live without it, and it’s now what you live for. Once disgusted and confused at the fact that people can enjoy something so destructive, is the same thought that made you see their point of view. You look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself, and start to see what everyone else does when they look at you. That glow turned you into something you used to hate, and you finally see yourself for what you’ve become. The experience was learning who you were, and where you want to go… That kind of dangerous feeling empowered you, and gave you the ability to accomplish anything you set your mind to.

That glow in that dark space, it only existed because you let it, without you it could never have power on its own, it needs you much more than you now need it to feel. Without you it’s just a curiosity baking in the sun light, until it withers away, watching you get past a phase in your life.

So Imagine this; You were never alone, but in a state of mind you’ve never felt more terrified being in, and all your urges you’ve ever thought about were right in front of you, lit up with a bright glow, taunting you to try them while everyone watched you drift away in ignorant bliss, as they secretly judged you for forgetting who you were while the glow fades, and you can finally see again for the first time, since the first time.

 …How would you forgive yourself?