Shoulbatum

I made the title up. But I think this is a cool story about my past/future. About 80% sure. Wrote this 12 minutes ago..

There are only a handful of awful days in the past five years that I haven’t indulged in the treacherous drink you call alcohol.  Whether it be after work, to no longer be hung-over, a stressful day, or “just because”, I have relied on booze to skate through the times in my life that I couldn’t handle on my own. I am sick, tired, and disgusted of my addiction. It’s easy to tell myself that I am normal, I am a decent person, but the truth is, I may be functioning day to day, but I have not been truly alive. To be blunt, I need your help. The people who have always been there for me, I need the most. I have always felt I have been in control but I know that this is not the case. Alcohol, cigarettes, and a few others have made me the shell that I have become. Don’t get me wrong, I still Love, Hate, and feel everything I used to, but in a lesser way. I look at myself in the mirror, face to face with complete reality and do you know what I see? Disgust. I’m aware of the potential I have and the person I am supposed to be, yet I never quite get to see that man. Discouraged by the cards I am dealt (ironic since I am the dealer) I look to blame anyone and everyone around me, especially the ones who are trying to help me the most. I am completely aware I am capable of great things; I am just no longer aware of how to obtain them without the strength and guidance of my family. I don’t want this anymore.  I wake up in the morning without a clue and wanting… more, when in reality I should be near and dear to.. her.

 

And yet, bottoms up. 

Author's Note

Ignore everything. I just want to rant my bullshit. Criticism is unnecessary.