sometimes

i'm going to set myself on fire and see if i don't find someone worth knowing underneath, you see

i have all these scars and they’re not about easing pain.

they didn’t relieve any tension, they didn’t ease my depression.

it’s like an experiment, see, cut myself open, see if anything good comes out

see if i don’t show myself a reason to live.

i’m not like that anymore, i guess;; i’m not big on science and i don’t much care to prove things right.

i get an idea in my head, and that idea is reality.

sometimes i think the ocean is above me and that if i tried really hard, i could walk on water.

sometimes i think it’d be nice to try.

sometimes, and this is very rarely sometimes, i think about ending it.

cut the rope, step of into oblivion, see what’s waiting for me there.

see what’s waiting for me, if anything; see if i made it to heaven or if hell is calling my name.

maybe, maybe, there’s nothing but nothing.

that'd be okay, too.

i know i can’t end things. i know there are people who love me, people who need me, people who care.

sometimes i drift away. sometimes i dodge phone calls, break plans, ignore messages.

i keep a small circle of friends to keep the damage minimal.

they’d be easy to drive away should the need arise.

sometimes i wonder if it will.

sometimes im certain it is.

sometimes, sometimes, sometimes i’m on top of the world.

other times im in your arms.

i watch you sleep, sometimes. it’s weird how my mind works:

i stare. i think, we’ll never work. i think, i should end it now. i think, minimize, minimize.

you yawn. i remember how much i love you, it overwhelms me, i kiss your forehead and plan our forever.

i guess it’s like everything else, i’m caught in this weird middle ground and

i don’t know what’s right or true or real.

i’m depressed but not really. it’s at an arms length.

i love you but i question. i name our children and ponder our demise.

i think of death. but only

sometimes.

Reviews

[Ysi millan]

I felt the pain? That's really sad poem. Thanks for sharing!