let go

there is no cure. there is no end. the water is rising and the light is dimming and love cant save me. i cant be saved. and that isnt an admission of defeat or guilt or shame or whatever you want to call it it’s being realistic, it’s saying im sorry for putting you in my crosshairs, its an evacuation notice five minutes before the bomb drops so run. run.. this is your chance to leave, keep yourself warm and safe under a mountain of blankets. lay next to a pretty girl who doesnt have a scar for every i love you so pretends not to hear. sleep with people who f**k you for you and not for them, sleep with people who understand how special what youre sharing with them is and f**k people who want to f**k you because they know youre the most beautiful thing theyve ever laid eyes on and they will never forgive themselves for not trying, love people who see the purity in holding out your arms time and time again even though the only ones youve ever loved took turns slashing at your wrists. i dont deserve you and i regret that but i will never regret loving you. i do not need the freedom. this will never end for freedom. if it ends it will be for security. you need safety, you need someone to hold onto that wont shatter in your grasp and then expect you to pick up the pieces and im sorry. i love you. im sorry i cant do it better but i do love you. im sorry you fall between the cracks and im sorry im too selfish to care that loving you will ruin you and im sorry for making so many promises i cant keep and im sorry for apologizing instead of changing and im sorry im too selfish to love you beautifully. but i love you. and i cant let this go, i will never let this go. im sorry