Heart broken

Heart broken

A Story by hola amigo's/amiga's
"

read this please

"

There was a boy named the doom i really like him alot but than it finall got to me that he just want to be friends with me nothing else i noticed it when he has blocked me out because  i was just pissed off but now i am better and I know he is once too old for me in matter of fact he's old enough to be my own father so it has got to me that he really just want to be friends nothing else. If he is reading this I  really now understand u so please un block me out of your friend pofolio please i really need to talk to u about just being friends please .well thanks for reading my stuff i really appreciate it alot ans I need to tell u that in writing my self so please im bagging u.

© 2009 hola amigo's/amiga's


Author's Note

hola amigo's/amiga's
Please i say please help me out here thanks.

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Reviews

In all honesty, this is a really long run on sentence.
Perhaps you should punctuate properly and space some of the words out so it turns into an elegant train versus a chunk of babbling.

I like the idea you have here; I can tell that you wrote this out of a moment of passion versus really thinking it out, but your authors note does say to help you.
This is how I think I can help you.

Go back and correct the words to, so the sentences look more elegant versus 'i dont know what to say' (example) 'I don't know what to say.'

Hope that helps!

Posted 14 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 16, 2009

Author

hola amigo's/amiga's
hola amigo's/amiga's

Painesville, OH



About
I have blue eyes, blond hair, Im 18 years old. My birthday is April 22. I love Carlos Padilla who is really hot/ cute. He's cuter than anybody else. im almost all the time om the computer but when i g.. more..

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