HEARTH AND HOME

Sometimes the familiar can keep us in chains.

The winds of change blow from the north
conveying past remembrance forth -
a wound that pierces soul and mind
while knives of memory remind

an aching heart that keenly yearns
for any way it can return
to joy once felt, but gone so long
her sun a reddened fire-song

In chains she lives, afraid to breathe
or give, receive; to feel or grieve
These prison walls were built alone
in solitude, her hearth and home

A mourning child of midnight moon
she dreams of joining owl and loon -
a weightless angel, winged and free;
a song in flight, oh glory be!

Such freedom, though, she may not find
until she can unchain her mind

Reviews

[KTizzle]

I think the theme of this is quite boring, but I love the rhythm, the scheme, and the way it rolls off my tongue when I read it. I think I'm being redundant, but oh well.

I love the first two lines. I like the mentioning of winds blowing from the north. When I think of north and its symbolism, I think of winter, hardship and the maturity it takes to brave the winds of winter.

I felt you could do something else with this line, "while knives of memory remind" while also keeping the rhythm of your poem.

I think this line is pretty, "her sun a reddened fire-song." It tells me of a fire that has to burn because of the hardship this narrator is going through. I am also reminded of things that help kindle this flame or express it like poetry.

In these lines, "or give, receive; to feel or grieve
These prison walls were built alone
in solitude, her hearth and home" I love especially love the rhythm. These lines are so emotional, my heart aches with the narrator.

These lines, "A mourning child of midnight moon
she dreams of joining owl and loon -
a weightless angel, winged and free;
a song in flight, oh glory be!" remind me so much of Keats' The Nightingale. It's so lyrical and really paints a picture for me.

I loved the ending and thought it was a nice one too.

Keep writing! It's not boring.

Thanks for posting! Have a great day!

[GypsyMoonCat]

I have to say, your review is one of the most thoughtful and indepth ones I've received in a long time! I also smiled a wee bit when I read "I think the theme of this is quite boring" because when I finished writing this, I let out a HAYOOGE sigh of boredom, but thought, what the heck? The theme of this is dull and much-flogged, so you noticed that hahahaha.

I appreciate that you liked the structure of it though, and other things you've pointed out.

I need to write some more, and by not having written what I think is a GOOD rhymer for a long time, I have some apprehension. By "good" I mean, not just structure, but content and emotional impact.

I'm still smiling by the way!! lol! Thank you again for a greatly entertaining and not-boring review :)

[KTizzle]

Youre welcome! Have a great thanksgiving! Looking forward to more from u!

[Gee]

Of course I like this. Boring, well not in my eyes. It is a shame you are not getting both the reads and reviews your poems warrant. Keep 'em coming

[GypsyMoonCat]

Thanks Gee. I will try to churn out some more, although it's summer here and I'm outside more than in when I'm not working! Inspiration comes while I'm yanking weeds, then I forget what inspired me once I come inside lol!