Vacant Dreams and Distant Stars

This is a blues poem I wrote for a class. 12 bar blues. first time. need critical comments.

 

When I was a young boy
I had the whole world ahead of me
I was a young boy
I had the whole world ahead of me
But now I'm a young man
The world aint what I thought it'd be

I had many aspirations
I wanted to go real far
Too many aspirations
I thought I could go far
But dreams are liars
I drown them away in a bar

I was in love once
With a girl mighty sweet
Yes I was in love once
With a girl mighty sweet
Tuesday she up and left me
And now my heart is incomplete

Now I'm sick and tired
Of all this talk of the American Dreams
So damn sick and tired
Of people telling me to reach those Dreams

But it is all a mirage
Life aint never what it seems

Reviews

[Sorry Infamous]

it's true life is never what it seems and it's not true that it is what we make it. Life is unto it's own.
I liked the lines
'But dreams are liars
I drown them away in a bar'
I do find that the repition my hinder your poem in some places rather then help it.
I think they work well in the first and third stanza but not in the second and last.

[lori c]

okay, only opinions. much aspiration, maybe repeat many aspirations. seems to be the pattern for the other sets. and yes ...sick and tired,,, is a bit trite as well as...one big fat lie...these seem to interupt the phrasing that comes before. off the top of my head, i am not sure what replacement phrases to suggest,... that is up to you.