A Visit

A Visit

A Poem by Andrew

Awful long time
 to be waiting he asked

Haven't been here long,
        long enough to play a hand.

The sign read 
      'Please do not enter the tracks'
He could have laughed

only he was
                        already on them.

The other could only watch
            the train
never felt like stopping.

© 2012 Andrew


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Now this is a wonderful write, i enjoyed this

Posted 8 Years Ago


Andrew

8 Years Ago

It sounds really cool when read aloud as well!
I love your use of arrangement here - the breaks and indents make this piece dramatic and thoughtful. I wish I took more advantage of structure in my own writing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Andrew

8 Years Ago

I've never used them before myself, so it was fun to try, experiment with it!
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I like this a lot. The structure is cool, a bit disjointed I am guessing for emphasis? Well done, and an eery and bit of a twist ending.

X

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Andrew

8 Years Ago

Thank you, I've been experimenting a bit with the indentations.
X

8 Years Ago

Good stuff, keep experimenting.

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3 Reviews
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Added on November 28, 2012
Last Updated on November 28, 2012