Jealousy

 

              Becoming grounded and maybe settled, perhaps one of the few reasons to leave the fast life alone on the highway with all the creeps and fiends and lackadaisicals, gives reason to find a significant person whom you can impress with subtle wit and juvenile euphemisms you’ve cleverly magicked up. Carrying with me in my hopeless raw and yellow heart, were thoughts that swirled the blood around the body with a girl. Needing the attention, I slowly gravitate toward her, becoming closer to her orbit with each glance I stole and the occasional exchanging of simple words; marrying her in my mind with rosebuds surfacing on the top of the brain, floating on the juices of the love.

                After gifting my friend with the knowledge observed from her daily patterns, my attention once again returned to the shadows lying between the creases and folds of her dress, some details of which hue of golden her hair would glow this day. My friend told me I was a fool to feel so strongly of someone I’ve hardly ever spoken too, but damn him and his hateful criticisms of this endless beauty. He tells me to go and mingle with the less beautiful, intelligent and inspiring girls to have easy access to any crevice they allow themselves to have. ‘Friend, I say this not out of scorn, but I need support, love,’ I say to him. But he flicks his hand at me in that disgusted way and with a scour on his face, he speaks ‘Friend you are wasting your time. She doesn’t notice your emotional laments to her because they are not being addressed properly. You must speak and when you do, then will come the introductions and bedding.’ ‘Mate, I do not wish for any bedding.’ My companion chuckled at my pure intentions and went off with his friends, who weren’t friends of mine. The evening came and I still had no courage built up. Evening turned to evening(s) and those become days which became weeks and with the weeks I’ve noticed her increasing interest in another cleverer, better looking bloke. I sat on the dirt watching their love evolve into something I’ve dreamed of for eons, is what it seemed like. Rarely have I felt this resentment as I did. The foreign feeling of knots building up in my throat wanting to escape my mouth with screams and rude gestures, but the timid me was more powerful so the only one who’d I’d blame was myself. I started carrying tissues and rags, something for the sweat whenever I saw them twirling their disgusting love in front of all who would care to see, and those who didn’t, like me, were victims of shyness. This was supposed to be me, sharing tastes and sights with this goddess; I was the only one deserving of this. Of all the sad and poor potential lovers, it was to be me.

                My mate came with a hand pressed gently on my shoulder. He gave me a look and it was the most sincere look he’d ever given me.

                “Wasn’t meant to be, brov. Come on, we’ve got things to do.”

 

 

CHARLES PHIFER