A Poem by Ariana H

I don't think I completely finished this poem but I decided to post it anyways.

The sky turns to charcoal gray. 
The land becomes quiet,.
And all the birds fly away.

Clouds fill the darkened air.
Everyone crowds around,
People stop and stare.

Sprinkles of rain drop.
Heavier and heavier.
They will not stop. 

Loud bangs fill our ears,
Shadows in the sky.
Unraveling our darkest fears...

© 2011 Ariana H

Author's Note

Ariana H
Review, Rate, Comment, Criticize!

My Review

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As you mentioned in author's,
Review :-)

That's an amazin' write, i've read out here by an icy girl...well, it's an appropriate again, it;s my IInd readin' on your work n really you impressed my by your words n thoughts as well. Nice idea to write..hey, i loved this stanza...
Loud bangs fill our ears,
Shadows in the sky.
Unraveling our darkest fears...well, you got me' was nice...good...n unique to read as i saw here. Liked your workin' way, if i get more time i'll b readin' your more work, i think i'll read as i get time to read...

Rate :-

I a my point of way, i wanna give you 92/100...

Comment :-

Well written, icy girl, liked your this poem a lot than before one i
you got skills...

Criticize :-

well, what should i gotta say, if ive got as a suggestion or in criticism...i wanna say
"Don't write such kinda awesome n much beautiful piece's here because, if you do then i couldn't stop myself to read your work

Posted 10 Years Ago

Really great poem. Had strong emotion and got the reader to think. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago

This does have a gorgeously suffocating, dark atmosphere to it. I applaud you for that, atmosphere is harder to get across in poetry than prose. My criticism is the lack of originality in the imagery, 'charcoal grey', 'darkest fears'. Loud bangs also, loud is unneeded because we know bangs are loud. I'm personally not a fan of rhyming unless it's used cleverly or is showing a child's perspective, but that's just me. It sort of works here because it neatens it, which means you concentrate on the atmosphere.

Posted 11 Years Ago

Brilliant atmosphere, and sounds very finished if you ask me. :) I love the poem, you combined imagery with emotion perfectly.

Posted 11 Years Ago

Awesome start! And I agree with the description, it does seem a little unfinished. But this part of it is awesome and I hope you try and continue this.
Do your best! =)

Posted 11 Years Ago

your not finished =]... get the main idea you want to portray to the reader in your head and then mould the poem around it... but yet again in the same sentence dont think toooooo much on a poem! it is all about feeling and need to get words down on the paper that wil trigger emotion in your readers..! hope this helped =D

Posted 11 Years Ago

It definitely feels like it's unfinished. There are so many unanswered questions here, like why should we fear the storm? How does it unravel our fears? More depth would've been nice, and perhaps better imagery. The prose feels like it so mediocre, as if anyone could have written this in five minutes. Put in more work, dig a little deeper, rather than unravel the storm, let the storm unravel us, let it haunt us with its looming darkness; let is plague our memories with fear.
But the reader does get to feel that a little towards the end. Keep it up.
Thank you for sharing.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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7 Reviews
Added on October 2, 2011
Last Updated on October 2, 2011


Ariana H
Ariana H


Hey! My name is Ariana. I am 16 years old; A Sophomore in high school. Reading is probably my biggest hobby. I LOVE to read. I like writing stories & poetry, but I'm a bit of an amateur. I also pl.. more..

Sure. Sure.

A Story by Ariana H