I'm A

..i just want to be... ...accepted...

eighteen years of existence here on earth
I probably catch my breath
and I really love death
simply because life's too difficult here on earth

I'm a RB user,
I'm a loser,
I'm ugly, idiot and nil
the pain I felt would never ever heal...

I tried to take the pain mom inflicted in
that's the first time I learned to use it as a pen
I wrote phrase and phrases on my skin
then I poured disinfectant and love the way it cause me pain

everyone in school saw how I bleed
because a teacher condemned me, indeed
I got emotional then I lose control anymore
and so I cut and cut till I felt no more!

keep doing it when I'm in college
still hanging with its edge
every time I feel. mess up, guilt, shame, I used it
I don't know why but somehow I feel better with it.

I tried not to do it again
but how about my pain
this is the only way I know how to mend
for the fact that I don't have any friends

half of the people in the world would never care
and a have would mocked you to each other
this is how rude human beings here on earth
so lucky, that I still manage to breathe

I love death and I always thought of having suicide
but every time, He nimbly creeps in to my mind,
 got scared and so I realized
I'm not doing this as a practice, instead I wanted to be saved

eighteen years of my existence
I worked hard for acceptance
but guess what, humans really have a hard heart
instead of holding you, they'll gonna leave you apart

I don't know when I could stop using it
I don't know when I could stand without it
one thing, I did bad for myself
but I still feel vain

a thing keeps me living,
I don't see Him,
but I am believing
one day, He'll save me from crying..

Author's Note

checked everything!
grammar, etc..
thanks!