ANALLY PROBED BY ALIENS

Frustrated Edna Kak finally meets a man who sweeps her off her feet.

       ANALLY PROBED BY ALIENS

 

    The last time Edna Kak had any kind of sexual experience was when she was abducted by aliens for three days and gently but thoroughly anally probed whilst strapped down on a comfortable examination couch on their Ship.

    How she had loved it! Three days of constant blissful anally induced orgasms all brought on by those thick probing alien tentacles.

    Why an obviously very advanced species had travelled from some distant galaxy to explore an Earthling’s a*****e as they reportedly did on a regular basis never entered Edna’s mind. But the pleasure did. Again and again and again.

    Three days of dream come true orgasms was a miracle for a seriously ugly f****r like Edna. Late forties and an already wrinkled flabby hag. Missing teeth. A squint. A dark moustache which remained loyal despite repeated determined efforts to get rid of it.

    But oh how Edna craved to be fucked. And nobody would. Not since her half-blind uncle in the tool-shed and that was thirty five years ago.

    Edna had hung around the woodlands near her Idaho home for weeks where the aliens had abducted her. Day and nite she prowled them hoping for a repeat but the b******s never came back.

    Not giving up, she researched alien sightings hotspots across the States on the net on her laptop and drew up a list of them. Then she sold her house and bought a camper van and hung out at them all, one by one. Desperate. Hopeful. But f**k all happened.

    She wandered thru remote woodlands, stark naked but she was so ugly that flowers turned away in disgust as she passed and hungry bears came up and sniffed her then loped off.

    Then she heard on the camper van radio that Arthur Lank, the amateur rapist, had escaped from a secure psychiatric hospital in Oregon. Edna drove for two days to get there.

    She downloaded his picture and prowled the streets looking for him. Prowled the nite tenaciously seeking him.

    She eventually found Arthur in a deserted warehouse lying next to an attractive naked store window dummy. Both were smoking.

    The dummy had a dreamy smile on its face but probably it looked that way before Arthur shafted it. He had poked a hole in its lips for the smoke and poked a hole in its hole for the poke.

    Edna stripped and cavorted around but Lank remained limp.

    Edna gave up and decided to try her luck with the horny sailor boys down at the docks, returning after weeks at sea.

    She hung around offering blow jobs for five bucks. That is, she offered them the five bucks. Even toothless weather-beaten old mariners snorted in disgust at her.

    Then the miracle happened. Two handsome Italian sailors chatted her up. Flashed their white teeth and money. Whispered filthy things into her welcoming ears. Edna enthusiastically agreed to them all.

    They returned to the camper van and all three got liquored up. Then Edna stripped and willingly allowed herself to be tied to a chair.

    Bondage! One of her favourite fantasies!

    It was bondage with a difference though. For two hours, the lusty Italians fucked the arse off each other while she could only watch. Salivating. B******s never laid a finger on her.

    They untied her and left at dawn. Arm in arm and laughing.

    As an absolute last resort, Edna tried ‘Percy Pine’s Dating Magazine For Ugly B******s’. She’d seen the advert for it when surfing the net on her laptop.

    Deal was you sent in nude photos and Percy Pine mated you up with an ugly f****r of the opposite sex. A week later Edna’s photos came back with ‘F**k off �" too ugly for us’ scrawled over them.

    A weeping Edna decided to end it all. Then thought she’d leave her carcass which was unwanted by anyone in life to someone who might want it in death. She decided she’d overdose then leave her body to medical research. She sent off for the forms, filled them in and returned them.

    At the interview, the handsome young Doctor looked at her then shook his head and diplomatically declined her offer. Christ, she was even too ugly to butcher!

    Edna wrote her suicide note and drove the camper van till she found a high bridge near a small dusty town. She waddled to the bridge and stared over the metal guard rail. It was a long way down to a tangle of rocks, boulders and a dried up river bed.

    With difficulty she hauled her flabby carcass over the fence and stood on the narrow ledge. Time to go, Edna.

    Just as she was about to jump, she heard someone approaching and saw an elderly man strolling along towards the bridge. White hair, white beard, kindly face. A plug of tobacco in his cheek.

    He waved and grinned as he approached then his grin died when he saw her up close.

    “Read your note in the camper van,” he drawled. “Y’all fixin t’ jump?”

    Edna nodded.

    “Here, let me give you a hand over.”

    Edna smiled. An act of kindness just when she needed it most.

    She let go the rail and reached out but the old guy ignored her hand and pushed her shoulder hard. She flailed the air then fell backwards.

    The old timer leaned over and watched her go. He jetted a stream of black tobacco juice after her.

    “Yep, best thing for it,” he muttered. “Some folks’re just way too f****n ugly t’ be alive.”

    He turned and strolled on.