Despair

my rapid heartbeat is an erratic backbeat

to the deafening TV static that has replaced all thoughts

The rain thunders down around me,

oil stains shimmering in thoughtful eddies 

and pocket puddles. 

still can't hear myself think over the fuzz

deep breaths make me cough

my threads are frayed

I woke up sweating, soaked through.

I stepped outside to sit in the storm,

maybe just to have someone to talk to.

Maybe I just wanted to cry

without being noticed.

if I can't get more breath

through these holes in my face,

I'm going to f*****g panic

My heartbeat slows, and my eyes unfocus.

I unclench my jaw and lay my head back

onto the hood of my car.

The streetlights turn away, embarrassed,

as I let the tears come.

It's never easy watching someone

give up.

Reviews

[Red Brick Keshner]

NO it's not, yes it is such a difficult thing to watch someone give up. Loved the personification of the streetlights. I had a night like this and likewise experienced being with someone in this condition, quite literally under a streetlight. It's been so long now that I could only barely remember but this poem brought it all out in one fell swoop. Hope things are okay with you, Ben; if rather belatedly.