So Long the Smiles..

So Long the Smiles..

A Poem by David Lee
"

A little something I wrote as a goodbye note to that particular someone.

"
"You're my one and only,"
You would say,
and smile under the moonlit sky.
"You're the only reason to my happiness,"
You would go on.
All you said, and all you did,
Did you really
mean them all?
All the things that we went through,
did we do it
just to get separated in the end?
Watching you
from faraway,
the view that I used to
enjoy, from the front seat of my heart.
Have I really lost that?
The reasons that you stated,
the excuses that you stuttered,
the lies that you so boldly pronounced.
Were those the
only things true between us?
My empty hand,
my empty dreams,
my empty heart.
Everything that I used to smile about.
Dear, where are they now?
When you so comfortably say,
"I love you,"
was it so comfortably easy
to bid adieu?
So long,
so gone,
my only smile.
So long,
so gone,
my only one.

© 2010 David Lee


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Featured Review

Easily relatable, and the flow is pretty good. However, I think that you should break it up into several stanzas. I like the places you break your lines, but it makes your poem rather long, which is not a trait that I like much, so maybe you should join some lines. But please don't delete any lines!

One thing that bothers me is the use of the word 'dear', but if that's what you used to call her, leave it there, but if it's not, I'd suggest you change it, but that's just my honest opinion.

All in all, I LOVE it!! Keep up the great work! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Easily relatable, and the flow is pretty good. However, I think that you should break it up into several stanzas. I like the places you break your lines, but it makes your poem rather long, which is not a trait that I like much, so maybe you should join some lines. But please don't delete any lines!

One thing that bothers me is the use of the word 'dear', but if that's what you used to call her, leave it there, but if it's not, I'd suggest you change it, but that's just my honest opinion.

All in all, I LOVE it!! Keep up the great work! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on January 16, 2010
Last Updated on January 16, 2010

Author

David Lee
David Lee

Jakarta, Indonesia



About
Call me David. I'm still in high school, so that explains my completely selfish and naive thoughts. I'm an introvert and I find it hard to trust others. I joined this site in hope of getting peopl.. more..

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