Thanatos' Kiss

Written after my daughter's friend was killed in a gang fight.

Thanatos’ Kiss

 

Why run from death

when it swims sleek about you,

essential as red or blue,

black and yellow,

the flag that marks you

so no dark angels pass by?

 

You who had the back

of every friend - who

will defend your life blood

spilled on the street

as banshees wail

your soul’s passing?

 

Who will protect you

from Thanatos’ kiss at the door?

Your colors slip to mem’ry

as you loose our grasp,

your scent sailing the breeze,

gently rolling from sight.

Reviews

[G. Cedillo]

This is great - the sincere and poignant language, very precise. Good questions in there as well, without being (as some questions tend to do in poetry) over philosophic or dramatic - simple, real questions.

The proximity of your word choices - "swims sleek," "the back of every friend," "spilled on the street" - very close to him, very concrete, and real. Really brought the abstract thought, so distant for some, to a level that is surface - that is tangible. It's a friend, it's on the street, it's in the air - it's a color. Reminds me of some elegies by Spanish poets: Lorca, Neruda, Paz, etc. The five senses of death, also, are here - great subtle use: We see it (in the colors), we feel it (the kiss), the sound (banshees' wail), and the scent. I'd say punch this up a bit more - what's death's taste? what is it's inner-feeling, it's reaction - like stomach nausea, like throw-up gag impulse?

The emblems of the flag, the mantle, is another good choice. Be it a code, a symbol, whatever - it's implications can be many (political, religious, personal) and really takes this from another poem to a universal statement about many things. It can be interpreted a good many ways.
my favorite line: "Thanatos' kiss at the door"

very homely, very every-day sort of thing that is taken for granted, as if death were a visitor in the home that is now leaving, saying goodbye -- or vice versa, someone that's just arrived and... is here to stay, ouch

"as you loose our grasp"

[Gandré]

This was great experience and good poetry, something else!

[Ed Hart]

Hello, Death.

[W.k.kortas]

The learned Mr. Cedillo does not tend to gush, so when he's effusive in his praise for a piece, there has to be something there, and he is not wrong in this case. The use of colors (cf. gang colors) is highly effective, and the pacing and language, even though the events are contemporary, gives it the feel of a writing from another time, a classic piece of valediction. Very fine piece of work.