Once Came A Girl With Hair Aflame

A walk down memory lane with a flame that never quite lit.

 

Once Came A Girl With Hair Aflame

 

Once came a girl with hair aflame

her pail skin a freckled mosaic,

her soft curves and voice an invitation.

 

I knelt daily at her shrine

in celibate devotion,

lost in wait for her beckon,

prisoner of my imagination.

 

Come September her friends inquired

about the new beau haunting her,

awakening desire in her

to crush my crush ruthlessly.

 

Blue and lost I circled

with no port of call

waiting for a lighthouse beacon

to guide me ashore.

 

Maturing thoughts graced

our belated warm embrace,

friends, not lovers

in deepened understanding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ebby]

David, a pure slice of your journey, in fitting words. She has the most beautiful hair.
I hope you are successful in your competition, as this is an honest and deserving write.
Thank uou for inviting me to read it. This stood out to me:

Blue and lost in that warm September
our circles separated
never to join as lovers,
but as some other circles,
we yet re-linked as warmest friends.

Friendship can endure...
Kind regards. :)

[Randall Richard]

wow! what a differance! i love it. the last stanza is fantastic
Maturing thoughts graced
our belated warm embrace,
brilliant, great rewrite

[Barry S. Maltese]

oooh that first crush. The one that just sets your heart racing. The vision of loveliness that is unequalled in your eyes. A vision usually followed by your first broken heart.
Nicely written. Very sentimental.

[Randall Richard]

this was nice, more depth of detailor use of metaphore could add to this piece,make it stand out as more unique or memorable,take it from "nice" to "great" but not bad as it stands

[Gandré]

Wow, I liked this very much.

Blue and lost in that warm September
our circles separated
never to join as lovers,
but as some other circles,
we yet re-linked as warmest friends. =============>>>>>>> my favorite lines... David, I love how you write. High level poetry, indeed. The poetic voice is always different. Glad you are here again. bravo.

[T. L. O'Neal]

Really nice poem David, I think everyone has been through this at least once in their lives. Be it grade school or college or adult life. Good perspective on it. T