a hand at the side of my head

A hand at the side of my head  4/22/08

 

Well

I put my hand at the side of my head

And I felt like the world was rushing by

I didn’t know

What was your world and what was mine

But it didn’t matter any more

Ok

I put my head down

And shook my hair

Back and forth

And tossed my head up

Pulled it up

Into the upright position

Here

And how would I know

There was no closure

Only a validation

Of

Repetition

And that too is ok

And expected

There is light

At the end of the tunnel

And whether or not

I am the train conductor

Or just the ceo of the company

It is the same

I am in charge

What decisions

The decisions I make

Stand

And affect my life

And the editor involved

Has somehow decided

This is the best course for me

Whether or not they will be let go

Remains to be seen

But

I think not

This works

Makes sense

Indeterminate

And perhaps a little obscure

How deterioration

Creeps its way in

And spells it out

So there is no denial

No doubt

Once I wished

My skin

Warmed by the sun

Would be touched by you

But

That is not possible

So wrapped my arms are

Around myself

So that I may see beyond

What cannot be

I have to move towards

Things that can happen

Not things

That can never be

Dreams

That can become reality

Can be lived

Be believed

First

Steps in the direction

Are required

And if not

Then it is not

And forever

Remains

Something that was

Only one wish

Close to your heart

But not attainable

Letting go

Such agony

Yet such pleasure

To be content

With or without it

And to finally

Be done

Remiss

And

Thankful

Sweet voices and

A memory

Of only

This much

Of that which I

Could have

Moving on