blue & grey

Inspired by BTS's blue & grey song written by my bias in the group, Kim Taehyung.

There was a soft breeze running through her raven hair, that she never usually let down, as she looked into the starry night sky. She never believed in angels but tonight she did. She never wore bright colours but tonight she did. She never was herself but tonight she tried. With her hair being gently played by the wind, comforted by the soft cotton of her clothes with a tranquil expression on her face she felt free. 

She laid down on soft grass with dews collecting on them and closed her eyes. She thought about the fact that in her whole life she was always in a battle with herself. All she wanted was freedom from herself. That was all. 

When she opened her eyes again, a blue and grey figure was looming over her. It was herself.  She was looming over her. She looked into her eyes and she saw hatred, anger, and pity. 

“Can I ask you something?”

The figure didn’t move. It stayed still.

“Why can’t you let me be happy? Why can’t you let me enjoy the things I love? I want you to go away.”

Her voice started to flatter as she poured her heart out. 

“You are a part of me, you should be helping me for god’s sake not killing me.” 

She had tears in her eyes. All the feeling of comfort was gone when she came face to face with herself. The scenery was so calm, so peaceful, and yet her mind was burning like the pits of hell. 

‘You deserve it.’

It wasn’t a voice more like the hiss of the winds. 

“Do I? Do I deserve this torment? I think I know my own self-worth and yes, I have done wrong. Yes, there were times when I wasn’t a good friend, a good daughter, or a good sister.”

Her legs gave out and she kneeled in front of herself, with her face scrunched up and begged as tears silently streamed down her face. 

“But this punishment is making it worse because I reflect all my anger and sadness on the people around me. You need to leave.” 

‘No.’

She took a deep breath to control her waking anger in her but the blue and grey figure smirked. 

She launched herself onto the figure. Its skin felt like cold marble. Each time she punched it; it would punch her back with twice the strength. 

Kick after kick, punch after punch, she knew she couldn’t go on. But amidst pain, she realized this figure was all fight no thought. 

To attack something that caused you pain and sorrow you make it helpless. 

So, she laughed and sang her heart out. Danced while dodging anything the figure threw her way. She danced with tears in her eyes because some nights you dance because you are happy, others you dance while the world becomes blurry to make it bearable. 

Something silver glistened in the moonlight among the shivering grass blades. 

A sword. 

To make the blue and grey figure helpless she needed to take away the thing that it was using to destroy her. The figure’s arms. 

Grabbing the sword, she held it to the sky. The shiny blade reflected the light to the figure. It illuminated its face and she saw the look of helplessness. Just like she did when this figure was in her, cutting her from the inside. 

She lowered the blade in a sharp motion cutting of its left arm. It screamed with no sound, yet the screams filled her ears. 

Then she took off the next arm. 

The now armless figure tried kicking but without its hands, it couldn’t keep balance and ended up falling. 

A snake without poison is helpless. 

A shark without teeth is harmless. 

Men without arrogance will let women live without fear. 

The moonlight incinerated the figure’s skin causing sizzling sounds to join the orchestra of nature. 

She gave one more look at the figure, this time it was her eyes that were filled with hatred, anger, and pity. 

“I feel sorry for you. Because you only found happiness in other people’s sadness. You never get to feel true happiness when you make other people smile. Maybe in another lifetime angel.” 

Finally, the figure stopped fighting the pain and let it take over. Just like she did many times before. It turned to dust which was carried away by the wind and forgotten. 

There was an angel on her side. A bad one. But tonight, maybe there is a good angel looking after her. Or maybe, she was the bad angel she had been fighting and the good angel she had been looking for.

 

Author's Note

This is probs the best thing I have ever written and it is only because I had my English teacher look through it for me.

Reviews

[Ann Outlaw]

I really enjoyed reading this, such a thoughtful way with words to capture the essence of feeling this way. I think many of us can relate to experiencing this feeling and you wonderfully put it into words to create a visual for the reader. Thanks for sharing.