Welcome To Swampwood

Welcome To Swampwood

A Story by Lizzie Elisabeth
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A piece from the book I'm hoping to get published. This is the first "chapter" and I'm posting it to see if it hooks anyone or is interesting enough to get attention. Also, everyone has wings.

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Criminals infest the dank cellars and broken streets here--penny-ante con men and pickpockets, second story artists and headcrushers, gunmen and their molls, w****s and their pimps, witches and their supposed proxies--all scratching and clawing for a leg up, for any advantage, and it was easy to get caught in the crossfire of the created madness.

There is only one place in the entire world that provides this exquisite clash of culture and flavor, a city that was built on an ongoing battle for territory and popularity: New Orleans. 

And, right now, any hobo, hooker, street performer, or voodoo witch in the making was in school.

Allegedly, Swampwood High School was haunted. At least, that’s what that one ghost hunting television show that came through to film a couple of years ago said, but their episode wasn’t exactly very accurate in terms of realness. They went running around the hallways at night spooking each other and trying to exorcise ghosts, except those ghosts were really just some senior kids who went out to mess with the crew. They made weird noises and drew symbols on the walls until they got sick of it and went home. The ghost hunters determined that they had released the poor souls of the damned, and that was that. They got another happy ending for their show.

But Swampwood was anything but happy. It was a high school. Is true joy really ever possible inside their walls?

Alas, there wasn’t anything to be done. All you can really do is push through the struggles--or take the easy route and just drop out or get expelled, though you would then have to face the wrath of your parents, so was really it worth it?

Well. At least Swampwood had an indoor pool.

And if they wanted to swim in it, a winglet of girls would have to complete a very ancient, important trial.

Harpyball.

  “Alright, ladies!” Coach Byers called from the roof of the school. “Let’s try to make a goal! Come on, you can do it!” She was a muscular, dark-skinned woman with powerful wasp wings that buzzed with energy behind her. She looked exactly like the insect she took after, clad in a yellow and black tracksuit and her usual shiny silver whistle, amber eyes scrutinizing her class carefully.

Above her, the sky was stretched out into an endless blue plain. Girls flipped and hovered and weaved in the air, clad in black biker shorts and sports bras. Shirts caused more wind resistance when in flight, so they weren’t worn when playing. Fine with Lily, personally, she enjoyed the feeling of the sun on her skin.

Rivulets of sweat ran down her sun-kissed dark skin, shimmering in the sunlight and setting her red-spotted purple butterfly wings aglow with color. She always thought the name was ironic, because instead of red and purple, her wings were ebony black and dark sapphire blue with spots of deep sunset orange-gold.

Her sharp-tongued, gremlin-like older cousin, Heather Beasley, floated up beside her and flashed her a smirk before pumping her wings and lunging through the air to go after the served ball. She was a Hydra, with powerful, bright blue wings that had sea green and emerald green inkblot-like splotches all over the interior. Her seam ripper-shaped horns were darker blue and tipped with sea green, and her luscious auburn hair usually wreathed elegantly around them if it weren’t for the ponytail she had.

Lily copied her, going after the ball to stay on defense. She canted her huge wings, narrowly avoiding crashing into another girl. Swooping upwards, she torpedoed her body in between a pair of reaching Avems and snatched the ball out of the air. Alarmed squawks of shock made a smirk pull on her lips. She quickly threw the ball to one of her teammates before it could be taken again.

This process repeated, bobbing and weaving, tossing and stealing, swooping and diving, until Heather zipped through the goal area with the ball grasped tightly in her talons. Loud cheering from her team instantly broke out at the gain of a point.

  “Yeah!!” Heather cheered. She glided over to Lily and twirled around her. “I am the best Harpyball player ever! Bow down to the queen!”

Lily laughed and bowed. Heather beamed at her, fluttering the tips of her ruff. From the roof of the school, Coach Byers shook her head fondly, then signaled for the girls to get ready and Lily and Heather parted, ready to get their team a point.

But they didn’t. 

Because the ball was passed far and the girl who was supposed to be occupying the airspace was standing on solid ground, shirt still on, staring dumbly at the ball that thumped in front of her.

All eyes turned to Keaton Fox, the witch in a mortal world.

She was an undernourished, stunted mess of an avian. Lanky and gaunt, with a narrow chest, hollow cheeks, and sunken eyes that were so bright moon silver that she appeared to look blind in the sunlight. Shaggy snarls of red hair fell around big yellow Honduran bat ears, and yet she also had long blue, green, and copper crest feathers folded back along her skull.

A hybrid.

Keaton was only 15, a sophomore and two grades below Lily, but Lily had known her since elementary school. Everyone did. Even in a wild city like New Orleans, everyone knew about the Swamp Witch with her weird name and her crazy mother. And that made her a target for even the lowest of losers. There had been years worth of teasing and messing around with this girl. School days full of pinching and tripping and knocking books over. Bubblegum matted in too-red-to-not-be-bloody hair when she was sleeping in Algebra and inappropriate notes slipped into her binders. Scorpions put into her shoes, thumbtacks poised on her chairs, lunches dumped over her head. Dozens of games were created to see who could make Keaton cry first or who could make Keaton beg for forgiveness or who could dunk Keaton underwater the most in the canals until she drowned. Slurs and rude nicknames were tossed her way, worms were put in her food, and spit was spat on her as she passed by. Feathers ripped out, ears pulled on, dewclaws smashed in doorways. People laughed when she presented, people begged the teacher to switch partners when they were put into a group with her, people destroyed her work so she would have nothing to turn in when she got to certain classes.

Everyone made fun of Keaton Fox, and if she knew this, she never did anything about it.

Keaton lifted her head like an impeded cow and blinked slowly at Coach Byers, who was frowning pitifully at her. She looked back down at the ball, then the sky, and then she took a shuffling step backwards, hugging her arms tightly around herself.

  “Do you think she’s retarded?” Tori Norris not-quite-whispered to Lily and her friends. Her golden pheasant wings were like dancing beams of sunlight in the air, but her long, flowing tail feathers were bobbing like squid tentacles around her legs. Dark brown eyes scrutinized Keaton with great distaste that she didn’t bother hiding on her face. 

Lily shrugged.

  “I bet she is,” Impish Ruby Wyatt said, glancing back at Keaton, who was slowly inching further and further away from the edge of the playing field. She was well named because of her scarlet macaw wings, which were dripping with sweat and fluffing up from the humidity, but she didn’t seem to really care. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “Does she never take that necklace off?” Harper Hansen said, her green eyes staring at the silver key on a chain coiled around Keaton’s gangly neck. She was a Vespertilio, a little brown bat, to be exact. But instead of brown wings and brown ears, the skin on her wings and ears were a weird washed out white color when she had insisted on bleaching them when she bleached her hair. She had instantly regretted that decision, having not prepared for the intense burning that came with her actions.

  “Doubt it,” Tori said.

  “I bet she thinks she’ll die if she does,” Ruby tittered. “That the bungalow of witches she’s a part of will strike her down for taking off their sacred crest!”

Ah, there it was. Everyone’s favorite thing to ridicule Keaton with- the claims that she was a witch.

Ruby did a dramatic reenactment of what she thought witches mauling a girl would probably look like and the group burst into giggles. Coach Byers glanced at them, eyebrows furrowed.

  “Alright, let’s get Keaton Fox in the game.” Their coach announced, much to everyone’s dismay. But nobody looked more dismayed than Keaton, who gave Coach Byers a miserable, fearful look. Coach Byers frowned at her again. “Sorry, honey. You can’t sit on the sidelines forever.”

Keaton stared nervously at the class, then glanced one last time up at Coach Byers. When she must have realized that she wasn’t getting out of this, she took off her shirt and spread her wings. The other girls watched her impatiently.

Lily wasn’t sure what was more daunting, how skinny this girl was or her wings. On the outside, they were almost pretty, sporting showy golden plumage with patches of shimmering green and iridescent blue, as if someone had crushed emeralds and sapphires over the feathers. But the insides were plains of smooth white flesh, baring only visible membranes and bones and blood vessels. All the excess feathers seemed to go to her chest instead, which was fluffed with amethyst purple. Black and white bands wrapped underneath the breast and--god, this was why Honduran white bats and mandarin ducks never mate with each other. That, and other reasons.

Keaton vigorously pumped her wings to get up to the height the rest of the class was at. She seemed to struggle with flying, though that was probably because she was missing several flight feathers. She eyed the other girls nervously, swiveling her ears back against her head.

  “Good,” Coach Byers said, smiling at Keaton proudly. “Okay, serve. Let’s get this game back on track.”

So, Harpyball started again, and someone had the bright idea to pass the ball to Keaton. She held it tentatively, as if it were a fragile dragon egg, and then a Hydra girl came at her in a flying tackle, slamming into her stomach and knocking her out of the air.

  “Are you f*****g kidding me?” Heather said.

  “Watch your mouth, Beasely.” Coach Byers snapped.

Keaton floundered in the grass like a beetle stuck on its back before she was able to roll over. She muttered a weak “sorry”, then flapped back into the air to try again. She didn’t actually touch the ball for the rest of the game as she tried to sink into the sky and disappear forever.

Lily’s team ended up losing the game seven to sixteen because the other side kept passing the ball to Keaton, knowing she wouldn’t be able to get it or defend the goal. Everyone kept glaring at her and shooting barbed remarks her way each time she failed at both defense and offense, and Coach Byers did her best to ward them off, but not even their coach could catch every insult hurled her way.

  “‘Oh, look at me, I’m a retarded little hybrid who can’t play a simple game!’” Ruby cried woefully in an awful imitation of Keaton’s voice. She whacked the top of Keaton’s head with one of her wings as she flapped by to land. “Learn to play, mutant!”

Keaton flinched back so hard she nearly fell right out of the sky. She landed slowly, then instantly wrapped her wings around herself like she thought they would protect her.

  “Is it pool time?” Harper asked Coach Byers eagerly.

Coach Byers sighed in amusement. “Yes, yes. Go have fun.”

The girls cheered and herded back into the gym to get to the indoor pool. Keaton stayed behind, stiff like a statue. Coach Byers looked at her pitifully.

  “Come on, Keaton,” Coach Byers said, peering down at the misfit child. There was something in her voice that gave the impression that she spent a lot of time managing this particular student. “Go wind down in the pool. Chlorine is better than sweat if you ask me.” She tilted her head at her, noticing creases of affliction on Keaton’s face. “Is everything alright?”

  “M-my stomach…” Keaton whispered so quietly Coach Byers almost didn’t hear her. “It hurts…”

Coach Byers frowned. “I’m sorry, Keaton.” She said. “You can go to the nurse after you get changed? I can write you a pass if you’d like.”

Keaton shook her head, then slowly shuffled into the gym. 

The sound of splashing echoed loudly throughout the enclosed area, the smell of chlorine thick in the air. The girls had jumped into the water without even bothering to change into their bathing suits, preferring to romp around in their biker shorts and sports bras. They swam and floated and had overly aggressive water fights while Keaton watched fearfully from the side of the pool.

  “She’s so stupid,” Heather muttered, side-eyeing the hybrid. “Is no one worried about our safety?”

  “What?” Lily looked at her.

  “I heard they spread diseases.” Heather said.  

  “Really?” Harper blinked. 

  “Am I ever wrong?”

  “Dumb b***h,” Ruby growled. “Does she think she’s better than us by standing there?”

  “Maybe she just doesn’t want to get in,” Lily said.

  “Hmph. I’ll be back.”

Lily and her friends watched as Ruby climbed out of the pool from the far ladder and circled around the pool so she was behind Keaton. Despite having bat ears and keen hearing, Keaton apparently didn’t hear Ruby coming. By the time she did, it was too late.

Ruby shoved Keaton into the pool.

Laughter instantly exploded throughout the pool, rebounding off of the high-vaulted ceilings and coming back like a sonic boom. Keaton floundered in the water, slapping her wings against the surface in distress. The pool was only five feet deep, but Keaton was also only five feet tall, a problem Lily didn’t really consider until that moment.

  “Swim, witch!” Ruby chortled. “Or else you’re gonna melt!”

Keaton dug her claws into the edge of the pool and hung on for dear life, heaving desperate breaths. Her ears were folded back and her wings were trembling, sending ripples through the slowly-blackening water. 

Wait--

  “EW!!” One girl shrieked. “What IS that?!”

The water. It was turning black.

Whorls of ebony billowed throughout the pool like thick dark storm clouds. It seemed to be coming from between Keaton’s thighs, though they couldn’t be seen because of how dark the water had become around her.

  “It’s plasma!” Harper said.

  “Oh, ewww!” Tori squealed. “Really? In the pool? That’s so gross!”

  “What do you expect from a dirty hybrid?” Heather said in disgust.

  “HA!” Ruby barked a loud laugh. “She INKED!”

Loud laughter bubbled up from that comment. Even Lily found herself laughing, even though secondhand embarrassment was surging through her so much that her ears were heating up.

  “Guess she’s part squid, too!” One girl yelled, and giggling ensued once again.

  “Aww, the baby got scared and inked on herself!” Another tittered.

Keaton looked absolutely petrified. Her claws curled tighter around the edge of the pool, clinging to it as if it were a boat and she was a drowning woman. Her bulging grey eyes were locked on the black liquid spreading throughout the pool and didn’t look at anything else. 

  “Keaton, get out of the pool.” Lily said a lot harsher than she intended.

But Keaton didn’t get out. She didn’t move at all, not even her wings. She remained frozen, as if the pool was filled with arctic waters and she was suffering from hypothermia.

  “God, are you f*****g deaf?” Heather snapped.

No answer. Not even a tiny whimper. Keaton’s mouth just stayed half open, but emitted no noise.

  “I wonder what it’s from,” Harper wondered.

  “Passing the blood you drank?” Tori asked the scared hybrid. “That has to be what it’s from! She drank blood!”

  “I bet it was a little boy!” Ruby declared. “Remember that Amber Alert we got a few days ago? I bet you kidnapped that kid and ATE him!” She leaned over the pool. “You did, didn’t you? This is the plasma from his blood you’re leaking out everywhere! You killed him!”

She’s fifteen… Lily was thinking. Surely she knows what this is… She’s part Vesper for god’s sake…

But by the look on Keaton’s face, she didn’t seem to know what was going on.

  “Get out of the f*****g pool and clean yourself up!” Heather yelled. “This is disgusting!”

A tiny whimper finally came out of Keaton’s quivering lips. Her face had gradually become paler and paler as the seconds ticked by and her breathing was starting to hitch. Was she having a panic attack?

  “Come on, girl!” Heather went on. “Piss it all out in front of us or get out and clean yourself up!” She beat her wings, sending a tidal wave of blackish plasma-contaminated water splashing over Keaton.

Shrieks of disgust filled the gym. Plasma water dripped off of Keaton’s face, but after looking closer, Lily realized those were also tears.

  “I don’t think she’s going to get out.” Harper said, looking up at Lily and Heather.

Heather smirked widely. “Then let’s clean her up ourselves.”

As if this had been planned beforehand, Ruby suddenly knelt down and shoved Keaton’s head underwater. 

An immediate struggle ensued. Keaton snapped out of the horrified trance she had been in and swung her claws desperately, squirming like a drowning snake. Her screams could be heard from even above the water, but nobody was making a move to save her. They all just watched with morbid excitement in their eyes.

  “We’re just cleaning you, girl!” Heather shouted. “Calm down!”

Bubbles exploded across the surface of the pool. Keaton’s wings flapped in a panic, but they did little to help her get free. She had to be swallowing so much of the plasma water.

  “DROWN THE WITCH!”

It was impossible to discern who let out the first cry; Lily thought it may have been Tori, but it didn’t matter because once was enough.

Everyone began to join in.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

Girls started to slap their wings against the surface of the water, still shouting over the splashing. Peals of laughter shrieked noisily throughout the gym.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

It was becoming a chant, an incantation, a hex of humiliation directed at a hybrid girl bleeding black cloaca juices all into the pool. She just looked so dumb. It was easy to pity her, which Lily, for one, did, but it was also so easy to make fun of her. And it was fun to do so. She always gave such good reactions. And it was okay, Lily decided, because everyone was doing it. There was no harm in a little teasing. They weren’t hurting Keaton. Although, Ruby wasn’t letting her up for air…  

Tendrils of red hair floated like squid tentacles in the water around Keaton’s thrashing head. Only the tips of her ears peeked out of the water. The beating of her wings were starting to become weaker. 

  “Piss it out, heifer!” Ruby cackled, pushing down harder. “Piss out the little boy you ate!”

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

By now, the yelling had been heard by Coach Byers, who halted her conversation with another teacher outside of the pool and hurried inside to see what the commotion was.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

Lily shook off her doubt. Keaton always overreacted like this. It was fine. They were just having fun! It was Keaton’s own fault for not knowing and being so stupid. She could get up whenever she wanted. Surely Ruby wasn’t holding her down that much.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

  “HEY!”

And then, Coach Byers was there in her blindingly yellow tracksuit with black stripes that made her look even more like an offending wasp than usual. She marched over, buzzing her wings loudly to get her class’s attention.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

The image of a killer wasp was momentarily replaced with a bumblebee about to be smashed to death by a boot because Coach Byers genuinely looked startled at the sight of one of her students holding another student underwater, surrounded by more plasma than water. Everything clicked into place for her and her dark brown eyes flashed with rage.

  “DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH! DROWN THE WITCH!”

  “KNOCK IT OFF!!!” Coach Byers roared. However, it wasn’t her who knocked Ruby onto her a*s.

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Lily flinched back slightly in shock. She had never heard a teacher yell so intensely before. She blinked in fright at Miss Richardson, the World History and U.S. Government teacher, standing above Ruby’s sprawled figure.

Miss Richardson was one teacher you never wanted to mess with. She was very nice and funny, but took absolutely no s**t, and when she got mad, she got mad. As seen here, for example.

She was a Hydra, if not by appearance, then by fiery personality. Her wings were huge, shimmering copper in color with veins of gold running through them. Bobbed blonde hair wound around thick, tightly curled metallic orange ram horns, and the large webbed frills behind her ears were flared to full size, shimmering like raging fire in the lights.

  “I-I--” Ruby stammered uselessly.

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Miss Richardson roared again, beating her wings.

  “She’s just passing some plasma, that’s all,” Heather said for Ruby dismissively. “We’re only messing around.”

  “You are all disgusting.” Miss Richardson hissed. She glared at Ruby, then Heather so fiercely it was a wonder they didn’t burst into flames. She then turned that glare onto all her other students, face twisted in hatred and disappointment. The chanting had died off by then, and they could all hear the sniffles and whimpers and coughs Keaton was emitting after coming back out of the water.

  “GET OUT!” Coach Byers ordered. “EVERYBODY! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

The girls instantly scattered. A few had even already gotten out and fled to the locker room before names could be written down. Miss Richardson watched them all go, then jumped into the pool without a care in the world.

  “Keaton?” Miss Richardson said, softening her voice of all its barbs and thorns. She approached Keaton slowly and set a hand on her shaking shoulders. “Keaton, come on.”

Keaton’s reaction to being touched was instantaneous- her eyes shot open wide and she sucked in a sharp, grating breath that made her entire body heave with the force of the gasp. Then, she began to shake even harder, limbs flailing, water and coughs spilling from her lips, whimpers forming words.

  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She sobbed. “I’m sorry! No more! No more!”

  “It’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you.” Miss Richardson said, trying to pull Keaton up out of the water. “Come on. Come on.”

Keaton was in too deep in her panic to properly process the words. She spasmed and wailed in an awful, anguished way.

  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Keaton wept. She latched onto the edge of the pool and didn’t let go. “Please! Please! No more!”

  “Come on, sweetie,” Miss Richardson encouraged softly. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

  “N-no, I-I can’t!” Keaton mewled. “I can’t! I can’t! I don’t want anymore--”

  “Keaton, come on.” Miss Richardson tried again. If the plasma she was wading in bothered her, she didn't show it. “Hold onto me. Can you hold onto me?”

  “It hurts!” Keaton wailed. “It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! I can’t-- I can’t--”

Miss Richardson, who was usually so headstrong and sure of herself, looked dumbfounded. She glanced up at Coach Byers, who seemed equally helpless, then back down at the girl in front of her. “Honey, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Lily, who had stopped before going into the locker room to change, slowly sidled back over to the scene. She stepped up next to Coach Byers and peered into the pool. Both teachers only momentarily glanced at her.

  “I don’t think she knows it’s plasma,” Lily told them softly. “Maybe she accidentally drank something’s bl--”

  “NO!!” Keaton cried instantly. “No! No! No! No!” Her panic was building. Her shaking was getting worse.

  “Lily, leave!” Coach Byers snarled, glaring at the student at her side.

  “But--”

  “You aren’t helping!” 

Keaton’s cries were getting louder and louder and more and more shrill by the second. She was practically heaving, her lanky little body jerking and spasming. She looked so much more thin without any clothes to cover her skeletal frame. Her stomach was sunken in and her ribs were slightly visible through her milky white, doughy skin.

  “Keaton! Alright, Keaton!” Miss Richardson said loudly. “Keaton? Keaton!”

Keaton frenzied harder. Miss Richardson pursed her lips, then hooded her wings over the girl, forcing her to huddle against her chest. In an instant, Keaton dissolved into loud, fearful sobs. Miss Richardson wrapped her arms around the girl and lifted her up. 

  “Shh, shh,” Miss Richardson soothed her. She stroked her fingers through Keaton’s wet hair, rocking her back and forth. “It’s okay. You’re okay, honey.”

Miss Richardson carried Keaton over to the staircase and out of the water. Coach Byers met them halfway and draped towels over each of them.

  “Is she alright?” Coach Byers asked.

  “I don’t know,” Miss Richardson admitted, looking down at the little girl clinging to her like a soggy, winged koala. “Damn those girls. I swear to god I am going to shove my talons so far up their--”

Keaton whimpered. Miss Richardson shut her mouth instantly.

  “It’s going to be alright, sweet pea,” Coach Byers murmured. Keaton peeked at her from behind Miss Richardson’s shoulder, then whimpered again. “We’re going to get you cleaned up, alright?”

Keaton looked up at Coach Byers, then at Miss Richardson, tears pouring from her shiny grey eyes, and squeaked out, “I’ve never drank blood before.”

© 2020 Lizzie Elisabeth


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Reviews

Since you say your hoping to achieve publication of this piece, I put on my manuscript critique hat and gave a look. I found some things that are not going to make you happy, but they are curable, and have nothing to do with your talent for writing, your writing skill, or the story. In fact, the problems I'm about to comment on aren’t your fault. And, you write quite well. But still, those issues need to be addressed, because while they're something you won’t notice as you edit, they are a guaranteed rejection kind of problem—and, one you share with the vast majority of hopeful writers. It’s so common that I call it, The Great Misunderstanding.

Think back through your school years. You spent lots of time, and completed endless writing assignments. But did even one teacher spend a moment or two on tag usage? How about why scenes end in a disaster for the protagonist, or why “showing” isn’t a matter of describing visuals? In fact, did any teacher explain the structure of a scene, the three issues that need to be addressed quickly on entering any scene, or why a scene on the page and one on the screen are so dramatically different in construction?

I ask that last question because, if you don’t truly understand what a scene is, and its purpose, how can you write one?

So why didn’t your teachers address what are, obviously important issues? The answer to that is the cause of the misunderstanding, and is rooted in the purpose of public education, which is to provide us with a set of skills that most employers want their prospective employers to have—a skill set collectively known as, The Three R’s. And what kind of writing do most people do on the job? Reports and essays—which is what the majority of your writing assignments consisted of. Fiction writing is a profession, and professions are acquired IN ADDITION to our school-day skills.

So, the misunderstanding? Thinking that the word “writing” that’s part of the profession we call, Fiction-Writing, refers to the skill of that name that we were trained in. It’s a reasonable assumption, given than no one tells us that there are other approaches to writing, but it’s dead wrong. Reports and essays have a goal of providing information. So the techniques are fact based and author-centric. The author explains and reports, their “voice” is dispassionate, because in all, the world only the author knows what emotion to place into the narrator’s voice, what facial expressions and gestures to use, or anything related to the narrator’s performance.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the book report approach to writing yields a result that’s every bit as exciting as a book report. So you've elected to transcribe yourself telling the story aloud. But can that work? Since you’re alone on stage, the reader can’t interpret the expressions of the characters in the story, as they do in a film, or hear the way they speak. And you can’t play the one shooting and the one being shot at the same time, so, as with all storytellers, you talk ABOUT what’s happening in the story, mostly in overview, while placing the emotion into the story through your performance: It’s in the emotion you placed in your voice, and the intensity and cadence changes to it. It lies in your facial expressions, eye movement, the gestures you visually punctuate with, and your body language. But does any of that make it to the page?

For you it does, and as you read your own work the narrator’s voice—your voice—brims with emotion, while you literally feel yourself presenting the physical performance. But the reader? What do they get?

The reader “hears” what the punctuation suggests, not what you intend them to hear. And the word meaning? Only what the words suggest to them, based on THEIR background, not your intent. Have your computer read it to you to hear how different what the reader gets is from what you want them to “hear.” If you have a Windows 10 machine and haven’t enabled Narrator, this article will help: https://www.pcmag.com/how-to/how-to-use-windows-10s-narrator-to-read-your-screen-aloud. For a Mac, choose Apple menu > System Preferences, click Accessibility, then click Speech. Select the “Speak selected text when the key is pressed” checkbox. Then select the text and use that key.

But in the end, here’s the problem you face: Since you learned to read, you’ve been selecting work created by the skills of the Fiction-Writing profession. As you read you don’t see, and learn about, the tools being used, any more than we learn the skills of the chef by eating the meal prepared by one, because, as they say, “Art conceals art.” But, you do see, and expect, the result of those skills. In a bite you know the level of skill of the one who prepared the food—just as you can tell that of a writer in a paragraph. But of more immediate importance, your reader can tell. And that is the single best argument I know of for taking a bit of time to learn and perfect the skills the fiction writing pros take for granted.

Your local library system’s fiction-writing section is filled with books on the subject, so time spent there is time wisely invested. But I have two suggestions that might help:

First, the articles in my fiction-writing blog on WordPress are meant as an orientation for the hopeful writer, to give a taste of the issues that must be mastered. So you might dig around there a bit. And if they make sense, and you want to know more, the site I link to under this paragraph will provide a copy of the best book I’ve found on how to give wings to your words. And for some unknown reason, it’s free, so grab a copy before they change their minds.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea

It’s the book that got me published, and I wish you the same.

So, after all the work you did on the story, and the emotional investment, I know this wasn’t what you hoped to hear. Who would? But it is what you need to know, so I thought you’d want to hear about it.

So dig in. And while you do, hang in there, and keep-on-writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on October 9, 2020
Last Updated on October 9, 2020
Tags: wings, story, chapter, book, suspense, bullying, hybrids, school, high school, swimming

Author

Lizzie Elisabeth
Lizzie Elisabeth

San Antonio, TX



About
Lizzie Elisabeth - She/her - 17 - Asexual lesbian - Aspiring author - I enjoy bats more..