civilization’s discontents have all fallen fast asleep, at
different intervals this past eve, whether they be sheltered or on the street,
they are seething---the distress mixed with anger in a revolution cocktail
knows not the flavor of rest---for it, there is no ceasing, as even the last
heartbeat only sparks the flame of another---we barely evolved primates are
screaming at each other clawing at the walls, told by each other that we are
strung up, mad---just not playing the game right---but then, we did not get
this way overnight now did we? the bell
tolls, the roll call rolls and all the familiar names are not the ones that you
should worry about---the strongest core of destruction to come is still
believing the lie---they are one step away from throwing up that last bit of
hope right out the motherfucking window---curling up their fingers---gripping
their fists round the nearest sharpest objects---thrusting them down in
stabbing motions---opening up their gun cabinets, getting their best deals on
those selling on the streets---in the suburban bunkers----holding all the stash
and waiting---the armaments that grow and grow like weeds in someone’s last
delusion---preoccupied with nothing, focused so well on everything---and all
that matters is the swim against the stream, that remembering who you are when
others tell you the contrary---if you just bend a little, if you just buy into
it now---oh, how you will profit when the moneyman comes round---but our
acrimony, our animosity, our antagonized annoyance---it burns like lava
underneath our fingernails---writing inside our stomach---no longer something
alien, no longer something that is frowned on now that came before that we
should get beyond---there are moments now when you wish that the panic would
start---there are moments now when you wish that someone would fire that first
shot---but it still isn’t you now is it?
still you are holding on to something.
what is it? what is keeping you
asleep? what still allows you to rest
that head on that pillow? and then
suddenly when you roll over and take a breath, someone enters---are they hear
to call you to go with them, or are they here to take you out first? and you wonder then how many you have
offended in your everyday pondering, and how many you may offend in the coming
days, those coming weeks---hmmm---does it add up?---that is, how many that you
have been wronged by in opposition to how many you wrong?---does it add
up?---in the absence of your own innocence, aren’t you guilty of everything
that you yourself want to stop? what can
you do to combat your own single atrocity---that which you yourself have
orchestrated---that which you yourself perpetuate? hmmm---but that’s all the ramblings of
someone taking shelter under cardboard in the rain, no? it would be better not to listen to them
because they are just angry that things didn’t go their way---hmmm---if they
had what you had, things would be different---if you had what the people you
hate had---things would be different, no?---why don’t you work on that
then? slide back in your seat and
continue watching the movie---chomp down on that popcorn---stuff stuff stuff
your f*****g face and wait for someone else to wake up and tap you on the shoulder
that it’s over.
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