Rain Tanka

Rain Tanka

A Poem by Baby Ricochet
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Rain comes from on high
out of a broken spine sky
Black shrouded masses
As the world turned to ashes
When I made an angel cry

© 2013 Baby Ricochet


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Reviews

Nicely done Baby...Ill have to try a tanka sometime...Enjoyed:)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Rose
niiceeeeeeeee.....another different style of yours. Good one

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Cassie t
Shot, sweet, and to the point! I like it! Thanks for sharing!

-CW

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you CW.
Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

No problem!
Great Tanka, I would argue the fourth line as a eight syllable because of the emphasis on the "d" in "turned" I would change that d to an "s" and make it "turns" to take off that extra "iffy" count, that being said, it's flawless including the heart rendering image of courtship stages just as in traditonal Japanese literature.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you thornbirds
Kind of reminds me of GNR's Sweet Child O' Mine.

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain


Very cool my friend

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you jack
Wow, starts out like a weather forecast, but really about a stormy relationship. Few words tell so much.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Keith
This is short, yet very beautiful. I love every line of this :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Sam
Darkly written, filled with the angst of our deeds. There are days like this that seem never ending. Your imagery is very effective in conveying the mood of the piece.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Blue
you too huh? Nothing sucks worse than making honest angels shed real tears, the world turns black just as you say, have you ever tried to breathe in a heavy downpour? I have, it isn't easy my friend, it kind of like standing under a strong showerhead and trying to breathe through your mouth for a year or more, and then you realize good intentions don't always justify the means, but you do the time either way.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you corset
Making angels cry! :) Short and sweet! I always enjoy reading what comes from your brain.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Baby Ricochet

11 Years Ago

Thank you Morgan

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876 Views
31 Reviews
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Added on August 18, 2013
Last Updated on August 18, 2013

Author

Baby Ricochet
Baby Ricochet

Tampa, FL



About
I write just for the hell of it A way to spend some time Blurting out in cyber space Whatever's on my mind Maybe funny maybe tragic Emotional and raw Politi.. more..

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