Great Tanka, I would argue the fourth line as a eight syllable because of the emphasis on the "d" in "turned" I would change that d to an "s" and make it "turns" to take off that extra "iffy" count, that being said, it's flawless including the heart rendering image of courtship stages just as in traditonal Japanese literature.
Darkly written, filled with the angst of our deeds. There are days like this that seem never ending. Your imagery is very effective in conveying the mood of the piece.
you too huh? Nothing sucks worse than making honest angels shed real tears, the world turns black just as you say, have you ever tried to breathe in a heavy downpour? I have, it isn't easy my friend, it kind of like standing under a strong showerhead and trying to breathe through your mouth for a year or more, and then you realize good intentions don't always justify the means, but you do the time either way.
I write just for the hell of it
A way to spend some time
Blurting out in cyber space
Whatever's on my mind
Maybe funny maybe tragic
Emotional and raw
Politi.. more..