...ALREADY GONE...

True life experiences sometimes give us the best emotional foundations to write our feelings out...

…ALREADY GONE...

 

No longer could she let

the silence go unbroken ~

She could not stand

the bitter taste ~

Of all the words left

still unspoken.

 

No longer could she bear

to see the person he’d become ~

A person she no longer knew ~

One that made her want to run.

 

No longer

could she bear

to feel the pain

that HE

could not express ~

The demons that

HE daily fed ~

The ones that would not

Let him rest!

 

No longer

could she bear

to fool herself

into believing...

That he could

have the strength

to conquer ghosts

he had been grieving.

 

No longer …

Was she powerless ~

No longer

Could she stand

and watch him desecrate

What was left

of what was once

a kind

(and decent) man.

 

A man who loved

with generous heart ~

A man with hope

who from the start ~

Made promises

he tried to keep ~

A tender man

Unashamed to weep ~

Able to show feelings ~

Able to show care ~

He WAS that man

Once (long ago) ~

But now he was  

just running scared.

 

Scared of who he had become ~

Scared the ghosts inside had won ~

Scared that the drinking kept him alive ~

Too scared to stop and too scared to cry ~

So scared of living sober ~

That he said…he’d rather die?

 

Did he think death would be easy?

Did he think death

would be merciful and kind?

Oh what a foolish- foolish man

she thought ~

One with sightless eyes ~

So blind!

 

He was  headed for

His darkest hour ~

She could feel it in her bones ~

He would hit his lowest bottom

(soon?) ~

And when he did…

He would be alone.

 

For she? 

She could no longer stay  ~

Stuck in limbo right between ~

The person that he had become ~

And the person that he had

once been.

 

There was a world

calling out

to the grateful for living ~

One that HE

could not hear

from his world of

dark unforgiving ~

But it called out

none the less ~

Only she

followed the sound ~

It took her breath

away ~

OH how it made
her own heart pound!

.

God help you ~

God keep you ~

God forgive me (?)

she prayed…

As she turned on her heels

and walked slowly

away…

 

In his world

there was just

too much darkness and pain ~

She needed to find

light and love

and joy once again.

Needed to distance herself ~

Close the door and move on ~

Was that a ghost (?)

or his voice(?)

Calling her name?

It didn’t matter at all…

For she...

Was already gone.

Reviews

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

A very powerful and well written piece. And it's true...sometimes we must leave them in their pain and save ourselves.

[Demme]

Thanks Sharon...saving ourselves becomes really important when they have no wish to "get better" and seem intent on taking "us" down with them :-(

[Leo Elderkin]

This piece feels so sadly personal and tragic, yet I have great hope that it serves as a catharsis for you, Doris. Well written and delivered, new friend!

[Demme]

Yes Leo...that it us. Writing keeps my "demons" at bay. Definitely a cathartic write. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

[shallimarRose]

"Scared of who he had become ~
Scared that the ghosts inside had won ~
Scared that the drinking kept him alive ~
Too scared to stop and too scared to cry ~"

So powerful Demme.. My father was an alcoholic so this has deep meaning to me.. My father lived by the bottle and died by the bottle in 1967... I have difficulty remembering him sober...I have really missed reading you... wonderful moving and thought provoking... Thank you for joining and welcome to the Cafe'.. shallimarRose

[Demme]

Thanks so much...appreciate yout comment. Thanks also for the invite here...it's a nice place :-)