Now

bubbling, churning

writhing sauces creating

sounds of family

sharp chords from hidden places

sorrowful and happy faces

a mix of yesterday with needling today's

its out here that we know us

farther from the city lights

than we dare ask

shuffling cards

soft singing voices

and it bothers me that I'm not here

It's fear, fear that keeps me there

awake! let my soul 

feel the now

so I write this 

hoping, groping

looking for something

that only now can bring

dinners cooking and sounds of 

my loved ones voices mingling

in conversation

it's comforting, overbearing

sometimes threatening

but always family

i can barely feel myself

"how many decks does it take…"

he says trying to build a stack of cards

that hopes to entertain us

bump, grind, bubble, pop

cut, crinkle, sprinkle, spark

smells of an Italian dinner

cut through the dark

the dark shadows that rest

in my mind

a maze of pitiful self pity 

the hole that I find

but it pulls me out of the darkness

hearkens to a time better 

a time that exists in the now

can I

will I

do I

allow myself to be here now