Riding Along

Here I am, in this car - this little car of red that I've had so long. Does it know that after 120 thousand miles it still treats me so well? Beautiful music of going home fills the equity of my mind and my soul as we move along this road. "Do you remember that day you fell out of my window . . . I was falling deep deeply in love with you" and they sing of a home that only exists in the heart. I feel the calm of the white and grey sky and it eases my mind. 

My son drives quietly as I ride along and his thoughts are those that only he will know. My thoughts are of missing him and wishing him the best in his new journey. And without notice my thoughts trail into my journey and where it might take me. Rolling mountains of green greet us and in a second wish us farewell saying only - I know we'll see you again soon. Ominous grey trucks move slowly by as if they've traveled forever and yet have forever more to go.

The road; what a wonderful place it can be. A place I can always go - go deep into my mind. Battling the woes of yesterday and planning the problems of tomorrow. But for now, I am just here; in this moment - satisfied to be alive. Happy to be heading North - North, to home.  And I'm curious; wondering, pondering - what is my true north? Is it with you, the girl of my dreams both literal and in figure? Do I hold a hope that will travel well with me? So many questions and the answers are set securely beyond my wisdom. 

Still, I remain content. Not bent upon the answers; rather, falling upon the actions of who I must be. Working forward with nothing to prove to a single human being. The only question that I answer in all that I do - "is this you?". Should the answer be yes; forward I go - should the answer be no; stop, turn and forward still I go. 

So easy to consider all that I don't have and yet so satisfying to consider all that surrounds me. To look upon the moments in my life that joy brings. Though the time was short and the current state of things a single lane I am abundantly thankful for her presence; the way we talk - the laughter we share - for it is in these moments that joy does exist for my soul.

This life is not what I anticipated and yet it's what I generated. I am made aware that all these things are those that I chose and so I now have control. No, no control of the past or even of the future; simply control over my choice - over my voice and who I'd like to be. Yes, that's plenty of control for me. The fact is; that's it's much more control than I ever did see in the mountains of false control that bound me.

And so it goes; into the future - toward my true north - the real me. Excited to see - where it leads; where He leads me. He, the one that never left my side - from whom I chose not to hide. A power so much greater than my own; my home.