loss

Nothing more than thoughts, destroy it, cast it into the void, I care not! I invite you to garnish this with your spite, expel upon it the carnage of all your life's woes.

   I have betrayed everything I believe in. I have turned my back on life, on adventure, on passion. My focus has now been solely directed to survival, to acquisitions that neither bring me joy, or peace. I have no soul left; it has been replaced with monotony to fit in and to reach the state of being normal. I have cast aside any thoughts of greatness or grandness, any hope of change or legacy. I have replaced this with consummate mediocrity. For acceptance into “reality” I have tossed aside passion for “safety, stability”. The price of my soul was a mere 40,000. I have no right to have passions that reach to the stars. No right to have great dreams, as I am a fool no different than all the fool’s before me and the one’s far after me. Why did I do this? For love, I have chosen to trade my hopes and my very dreams for that of mine that will exceed me. The irony is that normality requires that I sacrifice time with the very thing I sacrifice for. I have no idea what is next, no illusions to truly drive me. The only thing I can set my sights on now is money and it sickens me. However, what scares me the most is I don’t even dream anymore. I haven’t had a dream in over a year. I never realized the depths that dreams serve, until I lost them. My heart hurts from time to time. 

   I can only hope that they weren’t in vain, that they serve a greater purpose than square footage. I am torn between two realities and I can’t bear to think of the one that use to bring me such joy. I miss you dreamer, where have you gone? Are you still there? Or have you left me for all time. I miss you old friend. I have to go however, it is time to get back to tending to “growing up” I’m off to get more stuff! Wish me luck……