Life Gains

My sorry attempt at a poem written a good while back.

 

The world grows cold as the light disappears

Leaving hand in hand with my hopes

A gust of wind escaping puckered lips

Extinguishes the flame

 

The blood in my veins solidifies

Petrifying both my heart and soul

My body grows heavy

Beat down by my loss

 

My lungs quiver, gasping for breath

A black river begins its journey through me

The acid climbs higher up my throat

My stomach clenches against this poison

 

Shut me down, leave me be

I no longer care

I have failed

Engulfed by fatigue

 

I will not lose

I will not hate the world

I will not forget you

I will not despise myself

 

No more, leave me

Light the match

Melt the stone clear

Let the liquid wash me clean

 

I want to breathe once again

Take my hand, walk with me

Your touch gives me strength

This longing gives me hope

 

Emotions crash against thin walls

This feeling will not stray

The beauty of being lost

Created within you

 

As flesh caresses flesh, I fall deeper

The wind piercing through my weakness

It gives me life and breath

This life once lost stares into me

 

This cycle began with those eyes

Continued by those words

Reinforced by your soul

A new meaning for all

 

I find perfection in your flaws

Strength in your weakness

Attractiveness shown in scars

You are this and much more

 

Stay with me,

And help rebuild the walls once collapsed

  

Author's Note

Just let me know what I need to do if I ever decide to write a poem again.

Reviews

[Pitseleh_UK]

I'm no poem writer, songs maybe, but I will give my say anyway.

I like this poem, its emotional and passionate throughout. I felt a bond with the language you used, like the black river and acid crawling up your throat- strong images.

I adored this part,

"This cycle began with those eyes
Continued by those words
Reinforced by your soul
A new meaning for all"

thanks for the read, I'm just getting into poetry.

Peace

[Flo_writer]

Never read a poem by you before. I think all that can be said here has already been said. So far each reviewer has a section that they abored and I feel the urge to add to the trend.

"I find perfection in your flaws
Strength in your weakness
Attractiveness shown in scars
You are this and much more

Stay with me,
And help rebuild the walls once collapsed"

I like how this passage shows how dependant and how much in love this persons is. And I'm certianly in waiting for the second attempt!

[London Calling]

Nothing! Don't change a single thing about your poetry! Sensational visualisation, I feel the emotion, I feel love this part;

"Shut me down, leave me be
I no longer care
I have failed
Engulfed by fatigue"

That is so pure to the point that you connect with the defeat, you feel the anguish, but then it's (I think at least) about love.
Brilliant!!!!

[Emily B]

Nobody can tell you what you need to do if you ever decide to write a poem again. Generally, the poem decides. The words will sneak up on you before you know what's happened. Begging to be written down.

And nothing wrong with this first attempt--at all. It is lovely, longing and pure.