The Mermaid From Venus

The Mermaid versus the Dragon.

The Mermaid from Venus and the Dragon from Mars
A tale to be told; not simply left in the stars
The lesson I believe is generational both new and old
Depends on perspective, may I be so bold?

Let's first describe the Mermaid in detail
A Mermaid's true mission is to prevail
She spends her day collecting iridescent shells
Singing like a lark whatever she tells

Her long flaxen hair never tangles
Around her neck an amulet dangles
With which she can summon the King of the Sea
Should she ever distress or worry

The Mermaid's scaled tail moves with precision
Her mind calculating, evaluating decision
An elegant glow emits from her face
And every movement is conducted with grace

Venus is where the Mermaid resides
A watery cove where her fish friends hide
Life is rather pleasant and bountiful
And the weather is always stunningly beautiful

Now we shall describe the Dragon of Mars
His demeanor rarely measured by bars
Quick to anger and suddenly fierce
Flames leave his mouth with sounds that pierce

The Dragons main purpose is to cause chaos
He has gained as long as his opponent suffers loss
And this I fear is the heart of it all
The Dragon never knew love and felt very small

His jaws were for gnashing
His claws for tearing and bashing
Eyes that penetrated
Anger he demonstrated

Mars was a dry, deserted land
Nothing could seem to survive in the sand
It seemed the heat escalated by the day
And melted any thought of relief away

It was during a peculiar rotation in the sky
That Mars and Venus would eclipse on high
At this point of crucial timing
Something would happen so enlightening

Whether it was the Mermaid or the Dragon who glanced
At the other creature, it is not by chance
That their gaze was locked so powerfully
While the sand was finally met by the sea

At this point in time the battle was set
For both wanted to avoid change as of yet
And they continued to glare in the others eyes
Never noticing the chaos in the skies

Strengthened with the force of the amulet
The Mermaid boldly threw a net
Made of shells at the Dragon beast
Shocking the Dragon at the very least

The Dragon was caught in the iridescent shells
And lies on the sand as his body swells
His pride tarnished by this swimming creature
He evaluates the entire picture

With fierceness abounding he rationalizes
That he is the bigger of their two sizes
Rising up from the sand the net shatters
And the Mermaids triumph lies in tatters

The Mermaid ponders contemplatively
"Why should I summon the King of the Sea,
when I know the power is within me?"
And then plans her moves accordingly

"Dragon I'm helpless against your might
Cant you understand my plight
I am powerless against your strength
Let us discuss our situation at length"

The Dragon had almost agreed
But noted cleverly indeed
That the Mermaid touched the charm on her neck
She manipulated him and he put her in check

"I'll talk to you when you surrender your pendant
Do not mock me for I am transcendent
I could snuff you out in this sand
And ignore your persuasive command"

The Mermaid became scared and hopeless
She removed the amulet from her necklace
The Dragon took it upon his claw
And seemed to smile with his tooth filled jaw

However he did step back onto the sand
Not knowing what would happen should he leave dry land
The Mermaid observed all of this plainly
Though let out a cry so very disdainfully

"I can never win, this battle is lost!
My once warm heart now coated with frost.
I shall forever be tormented by heat
and suffer knowing that I was beat!"

The Dragon delighted in this negative rampage
For he identified with all the guilt and the garbage
He let her continue on in this way
Wondering what more she had to say

"At least let my dear pendant not go to waste
Wear it for heavens sake and make haste!
You see that charm which you now hold
Elects me as queen of the cove it's told

In fact whoever shall don this charm
Is prevented from any form of harm
It also made me young and beautiful
And gave me a life which was so very blissful"

The Dragon intrigued by these features
Listened emphatically to the distraught creature
Pleading for him to take that chance
To change his meaningless hateful trance

And so the Dragon wore the amulet
As the Mermaid knew she would only get
One opportunity to execute
Her perfect plan so absolute

She paused a moment with reflection
And the Dragon displayed agitation
Until ultimately she let out a sigh
Meeting his eyes with her mesmerized eyes

"How majestic and marvelous you appear to me
You aren't the same Dragon, it cannot be!
There is a difference that I can be sure of;
Why don't you see for yourself in the cove"

And like so many guilty before
Of pride he stepped onto the shore
That once was a barrier to Venus and Mars
No longer existing his once counted scars

The Mermaid with a deft tight hold
Secured the amulet and told
The incantations to awaken the King
Of the Venus sea as she continued to sing

The Dragon now full of fear
Actually shed a single tear
As the sea grew angry in cascading waves
Overpowering the Dragon and his useless raves

As the thrashing and bashing of the Venus cove took place
The Dragon's eyes met the Mermaid's in one last embrace
"Give me peace", cried the Dragon pitifully blue
"Yes", declared the Mermaid, "I love you."

The moral of the story is
A contrast of hers and his
In this battle of anger and of love
The Mermaid shall rise above

Reviews

[S. D. Forogar]

This is quite moving, in my opinion a crossover between poetry and prose formats. As usual, though, my Good and my Bad!

The GOOD: The artful manner in which the tale is told struck me as its strongest suit, as if an elderly being were lyrically reciting the content of the story to the next generation. I praise this, for it promotes a strong writing style and an individuality, both of which tend to be ignored by most.

As well, the imagery expressed in areas was quite astounding!

The BAD: I had two main issues with this piece, both of which cropped up fairly quickly and played through until the end. Both, I'd discovered in the second stanza, at the word 'detail.' These errors built up over time, but this is where I'd found them, almost as if "hitting a wall." I'll go through each below:

The first, and less prominent, is that I never truly understood the meaning to the story. Every story with meaning to its climax is stronger than one without, because it allows the audience to immerse themselves and choose sides, becoming almost "one" with the piece itself. This connection is essential to making an overly-powerful tale, and without it a piece can only resonate to a limited degree. I suppose there was simply the obvious (that in this game of love and war, or "this battle of anger and love," the woman will always triumph), but there was no deeper meaning to the piece. This was a simple, unmentioned conflict, and the story could only be used as either a literal one or a metaphor for an unspoken conflict. In the case of the former, it still suffers, because there is no reason for either the contest or the story of love, and in the latter the comparison ought to have been made more clearly.

My second, and clearly more distressing concern, deals with the repetitive terminology present. I'll list a couple of examples, and changes that might prevent Readers from seeing the same patterns:

FROM:

'Let's first describe the Mermaid in detail' Verse 2, Line 1.
'Now we shall describe the Dragon of Mars' Verse 6, line 1.

TO:

'The Mermaid, let us first unveil' Verse 2, Line 1.
'Now we shall account, the Dragon of Mars' Verse 6, Line 1.

FROM:

'Meeting his eyes with her mesmerized eyes' Verse 28, Line 4.

TO:

'Meeting his glare with her crystalline eye' Verse 28, Line 4.

More powerful wordplay ultimately leads to a more successful work, ESPECIALLY when it comes to poetry. There are other examples of this contained within the piece, and I recommend the author go through her / his own work and correct these lapses in terminology.

Ultimately, I conclude that (despite a few errors) I was really able to enjoy this piece. I would recommend it to any poet looking for a good piece to read!

[Revolutionary]

I love this .it could be a childrebs book that parents like to

[Vandana Sharma]

So nice. Very good work with the finer details and the unfolding story!!

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Wow this poem is amazing. I love your use of contrast and mythical creatures. I love poems that tell a story is this one is awesome!

[MerylDivya]

I'm very pleased you enjoyed my piece.