Hitchhiker

"On the road again. Goin' places that I've never been. Seein' things that I may never see again"

I have no clue where I am. I know that I was dropped off here by a trucker when he realized that I was exaggerating on how much money I had on my person. The wheels had squealed as the beer he had been drinking flew forward from the loose cupholder and my head whipped forward then back just as quickly from how fast he stopped. His balding, baseball cap-covered head turned toward me and with his hairy mouth he unceremoniously told me to get my skinny, broke a*s out of his truck before he threw me out.  My a*s is rather skinny and it would hurt to be thrown on it, so I grabbed my suitcase and carefully climbed out of the cab, due to the heels on my boots. Instantly, the heat of the desert hit me like a bat swung by the Hulk. I had turned back to ask the trucker if he had any water, but by the time my neck turned back to where the truck cabin was, I was face-to-face with a gigantic company logo.

           I walked to the side of the highway, my suitcase in one hand and my hat in the other. Actually, it's my sister’s hat, but I suppose she won't be missing it. I make it to the dirt covered ground, having nearly twisted my ankle only twice. I set the suitcase on the ground and my hat on my head, pulling the floppy brim over my eyes to protect them from the harsh blue of the sky. I sit down on the suitcase while the sun begins to cook my pale arms. Though I suddenly remembered the pair of sunglasses I had swiped from the trucker while he had been rambling on about fuel prices and his no good sonofabitch boss. I covered my eyes with the dark lenses and look out on the stretch of asphalt before me, trying to think of a plan. I guess that's where I am now.

    But the only thing I can think about at this time is my sister. She was always my mentor in all the important subjects, make up, fashion, the art of flirtation and good literature. That last one was her favorite to talk to me about. She would always come into my room at random points in the day with stars in her eyes and a novel, short story or book of poems in her hand. I would sit there in awe as she would begin to describe in great detail all the things she loved about what she was reading with such elegance I often held suspicion that she practiced her speech before she came to me. She would promptly give me whatever piece she was reading and insist that I read it too so that we can talk about it together. She would promptly leave me to my reading when she would exit my room with a final comment of how great the piece was. After I'd hear the door click shut I'd grin at her silliness, open the book and divulge myself in the world she'd already become immersed in.

Her favorite piece is a book by John Kerouac entitled On the Road, if only for the line “There is nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars”. That single line inspired her to want to pack up and bum it on the road to where ever she felt like going, living out of a suitcase and getting rides from random drivers. She always said she'd take me with her as soon as she made the preparations, I always dismissed it as her usual fanciful dreams. But then she would get this serious look on her face, her eyes baring into mine as she’d say in an oddly serious voice, that we would get out of this stupid town because she couldn't stand to be smothered by it anymore.  

         “Besides,” she'd say “don't I always keep my word?”  I’d agree with her with great enthusiasm and listen to her complicated and extravagant travel plans with newfound interest, hanging onto every word she said. I should never have listened. I should have never believed her.

          We never left on that trip, not together anyway.  She left me behind so that she could travel above the stars instead of rolling beneath them. She left me behind and I hate her for breaking her promise. What happened to our plans? You said we'd leave together, that we'd look out for each other. I let you lead me on with all these stories of grandeur and you took them away just as quickly as you'd given them to me. Why did you leave me behind? Why did you have to go?

        Happiness eluded me from that day on. Its beautiful radiance went out like a candle in the dark, howling wind. I tried to read her books, but I just couldn't get back the same spark she gave me. The stars looked dimmer than I had ever imagined they could be. My parents tried to help, with talking, coddling, therapy and antidepressants. Though I appreciated their effort, none of it worked. I felt smothered, the same way that she had, the flame on my candle of happiness never stood a chance. I knew that if I wanted happiness I'd have to find it myself.

         So my quest for happiness began with a hastily written note, a pair of heeled boots, a floppy, purple sun hat and a suitcase full of books. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to go somewhere else. That's when I met a stocky trucker at a 7/11 and got a ride from him. While he was driving I'd look out the window and look at the stars above me and wonder if she was following my route above, if we were actually traveling together. I'm so sorry I doubted her word.

That leaves me here, sitting on my suitcase with the bright light of the sun turning my skin red. I know that this wasn't a good idea and that happiness isn't something that I'll be able to find so easily, that I may never find it. But I couldn't stay there, in that dark and empty room, forever waiting for her to come bursting in with a new book for me, to hug me, to make me smile, to make sure I never gave up on our journey. But, I'm making this journey for the both of us. So that she can look down from above and see all the things she always wanted to see. So that I can finally feel some semblance of closure after I've finally completed our plans. I don't know when the journey will end, but I'm sure I'll know when it has.

Though I know that  the journey most definitely hasn't ended yet, as I'm pulled out of my daze by the distant sound of a rumbling engine.  I see a tiny speck heading toward my direction and I quickly stick my thumb out while stretching my arm to where the driver can see it. As the car gets closer it slows when the driver sees my form and pulls over to me. I can barely make out what the driver is asking me due to the exhaustion caused by the heat, I only know that she asked me where I'm going.

“I'm on a one way trip to happiness”, I answer. She shrugs her shoulders and tells me she's going as far as Phoenix. I tell her that's fine and I throw my suitcase in her backseat. I open the passenger door, take a seat and buckle up. She starts the car again and drives off down the deserted stretch of road. I barely register the blast of cool air when she asks me for my name. I tell her mine and she tells me hers, it's Terry. I laugh a little and she asks me what's so funny.

“Do you like John Kerouac’s books?” I ask hopefully

“Never heard of him.” she says flippantly, which explains her blindness to the irony of her name.

“You mind if I tell you about my favorite?” I ask her as she looks over at me curiously.

“Why not?” While she says those words I'm already rifling through my suitcase, trying to find it. When I lay my eyes on the cover I grab the book and flip it open. I pause a little when I see her initials on the inside cover, claiming this book as her own. But I move on, taking off my hat and sunglasses while I readjust myself in my seat.

“It's called On the Road,” I explain as she picks up speed down the road, causing red dust to kick up on the sides of the car. We barrel down the asphalt paved road toward a looming canyon in front of us. The sun is starting to go down and soon the one gigantic star will be replaced by a multitude of tiny stars, each one brighter than the last. She'll be up there, walking amongst the magnificent cue balls, following Terry and I, looking down at me. Sometimes I swear that I can feel her piercing eyes looking at me with such affection and pride, that it gives me the strength to go on.

Author's Note

Anything you want to mention!