Haunting Vindonnus

Vindonnus just wants to enjoy an evening at home with a good book, but when a team of ghost hunters shows up he finds himself in a reverse haunting.

Vindonnus kicked off his shoes and headed into the kitchen. He was ready to just sit back and chill with a beer and a good book. Vindonnus, popped open the fridge and extracted a bottle of Rogue Dead Guy Ale.

He glided up the stairs and into his private library�"more than two thousand books lined the floor to ceiling shelves. Vindonnus was feeling trashy and selected a pulp detective novel from the 50s. He was about halfway to his favorite chair when he heard it. A faint crackle. A voice. A voice he didn’t recognize.

“Did you see that Jan?”

“Jan?” Vindonnus muttered to himself.

“Let’s hope the infrared picked it up.”

What is Jan doing in my house?

“Check for an EVP.” Jan said.

A moment later Vindonnus heard something that chilled him to the bone. It was his own voice muttering “Jan?”

“No way! It said your name. We have to do a spirit box session.”

The second intruder pulled some device out of her jacket. She flipped it on and…static. Lots of static.

“Yes, I’m Jan and this is my partner Stacy. We’re not here to hurt you. We just want to help you.”

“You can help me by getting out of my house.”

This time it was inside the static, Vindonnus’ voice. “Help me.”

“That’s not what I said.” Vindonnus muttered again. “Yeah, these must be some of those ghost hunters Damara was telling me about.”

A moment later he heard his voice again. “Damara.”

“Damara? Is that your name?” Jan said.

Vindonnus nearly screamed.

“Damara, we can help you, but you need to let us know you’re here.” Stacy said. “You moved that book earlier, can you move something else for us?”

“You saw the book, but you didn’t see my beer?”

His voice came through the static again, “Book.”

“Oh my god!” Stacy said.

“That’s right ‘book,’ did you move the book. Damara, talk to me.”

“Damara’s my girlfriend.”

The device rendered Vindonnus’ words as “Damara…friend.”

“Yes, Damara, we’re friends.” Stacy said.

Where’s my phone? He thought�"he was too afraid to talk with that idiot box messing up everything he was saying. In the kitchen. This is going to be interesting.

He made his way past Jan and Stacy�"it seems they had, sort of, pinpointed his location�"and down the stairs. Undetected. There it was. He ran over and dialed a number.

Damara picked up on the third ring.

“They’re here.” Vindonnus said.

“Who’s there?” Damara asked.

“The ghost hunters. What do I do?”

“Did they make contact with you?”

“Well, they have this box. Long story short, they think I’m you.”

“S**t.” She said. “Sit very still, and don’t make a sound. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

�-��-��-�

Things had started to calm down by the time Damara arrived�"Vindonnus had managed to stay perfectly still and not give Jan and Stacy any further evidence of his presence. He had heard them discussing packing up and calling it a night when…Bang! Damara arrived.

She had to finish up a ceremony for one of her clients�"a nice lady in Massachusetts looking for love. While, technically, Damara had been a goddess of fertility, in these lean days deities did whatever they could to make ends meet.

Damara thought the slam of the front door would send the ghost hunters crying off into the night like frightened little children. She was wrong. If anything, it added to their resolve.

Vindonnus was sure they had left for good, after all they took their equipment with them. Damara was much less optimistic. She had suffered trough a group of ghost hunters�"professionals, not hobbyists like Jan and Stacy�"she knew they’d be back, and in greater numbers. She just hadn’t given Vindonnus the news. That could wait until morning�"after they both got some sleep.

�-��-��-�

Vindonnus was up first getting some coffee brewing and croissants warming. He couldn’t help but stare at Damara�"she was hot. Maybe not at hot as Erecura. Vindonnus knew he didn’t stand a chance with Erecura�"she was more into gods of thunder and war.

Damara stirred. She must have smelled the coffee, or the aroma of croissant straight from Paris�"he always picked up croissants, Brie, and wine when he worked a job in Paris. Her hair was somewhere between red and brown, and her eyes were pale blue. She had a petite nose and her figure�"Vindonnus liked it. When she took on human form she was about five foot six and around a hundred and forty pounds.

“Oh, Baby. I love your coffee.”

“Except for the ghost hunters, last night was nice. I’ve been thinking…”

Damara rolled off the sofa. Her eyes were still little more than slits.

“What about the co-haunting license? It’s so expensive.” She said with a bit of trepidation.

It was both expensive and ridiculous. Who ever heard of a co-haunting license? No one, that’s who. The whole license to haunt non-sense was just one more reason Vindonnus hated Cocidius�"that and he was a god of war.

“God, I hate those gods of war.” Vindonnus muttered.

“What’s that Baby?”

“I was just saying once we get some better gigs, maybe we can go ahead and get that co-haunting license.”

She didn’t need to say anything. Her smile said it all. She’d been wanting the co-haunting license for a while, but times were tough�"plus, Vindonnus had a moral objection to the stupid thing.

“Good thing those ghost hunters are gone.” He said.

“Oh Baby, I love it when you’re naive.” She threw her arms around him and gave him a kiss. “They’ll be back tonight. We need to be ready.”

“You’re going to call Dis Pater, aren’t you?”

Dis Pater, Dis to his friends�"among which Vindonnus wasn’t one�"was the former god of the underworld. Who, like all the other gods and goddesses had been reduced to freelance work in these lean days of Cocidius.

“Do you have a better suggestion?” Damara asked.

He thought long and hard, but couldn’t come up with anything better�"though he did think of a few worse things.

“You said these ghost hunters want evidence?”

“If we’re lucky. Robor came across one group. They were building ghost traps. He managed to get away, but the trap sucked up three of his poker buddies�"cards and all.”

“Dang.”

“They don’t have time to invoke us for the stuff we’re good at, but they have all the time in the world to try and get us to do parlor tricks that any run-of-the-mill ghost could do.”

“Baby, they don’t know gods and goddesses from demons or trapped spirits. We can’t blame them for their ignorance.”

“You’re right. Can we blame Cocidius?”

�-��-��-�

“Well…” Dis Pater drew it out hoping to up the drama, and his fee, Vindonnus thought. “The problem is, you already let them know you’re here. That spirit box stuff is gold to those people. Even if you could pull off the silent treatment for tonight, as soon at those recordings hit the internet, this place is going to be infested. If it were me, I’d think about moving.”

“Out of the question. I love this place.”

“Are they evidence seekers or would they be content with a faux exorcism?” Dis Pater asked Damara.

“Evidence seekers.”

“What about a faux self-evacuation?” Vindonnus asked.

“That could work, but there’s always a risk of another group trying to prove the self-evacuation was faked.” Damara answered.

Dis Pater threaded his fingers together and rested his chin on his now clenched fists. His face was blank�"gods of the underworld were good at that sort of thing. He sat there without a movement for a good ten minutes�"something else gods of the underworld excelled at�"then…

“There is one way.” He cleared his throat, then continued. “I have a group of associates…”

“Not the Genii Cucullati?” Vindonnus asked.

“Hear me out Vin.”

Vindonnus hated being called Vin, but if it would get him in the friends of Dis Pater club he’d let it go.

“Let’s hear what you have Dis.”

Dis Pater didn’t correct him. That’s a good sign.

Dis Pater continued. “The Genii Cucullati can, and will, guarantee no returns. They work quickly and efficiently. However, not everyone is comfortable with their tactics.”

“I’ve heard stories about them�"oppressions, possessions, or worse.” Damara said.

“Once released they will do whatever it takes.” Dis Pater swallowed hard. “Not everyone has the stomach for whatever it takes.”

 

�-��-��-�

Night was on its way. Sure enough, the ghost hunters, Jan and Stacy, had returned. Just like Damara predicted, they weren’t alone. Vindonnus and Damara stood at the top of the stairs and watched as trunks, packed with equipment, were hauled in, and emptied out in his living room.

“What is all that stuff?” Vindonnus said.

“Did you hear that?” Stacy said. “It sounded like it came from the top of the stairs. Like a faint whisper.”

“Be quiet Baby.” Damara said.

“I heard it that time.” One of the new guys said.

“This is going to be awesome.” The other new guy said.

“You won’t be saying that after the Genii Cucullati get here.” Damara said.

“Wow.” Jan said. “This is looking to be better than last night.”

Vindonnus and Damara manged to get, and stay, quiet for the rest of the time the ghost hunters were unpacking their things. Vindonnus noticed several devices they were calling spirit boxes�"those things don’t work, they only pick up about a tenth of what I say. They had EMF detectors and EMF pumps.

“So, do the detectors detect the pumps?” Damara managed to whisper without any of the ghost hunters hearing her.

Vindonnus chuckled.

“Did you guys hear that?” The one they were calling Rob asked.

No one heard it. Vindonnus and Damara had to be more careful. The Genii Cucullati would be there in thirty minutes.

�-��-��-�

The sun had set. Vindonnus and Damara were held up in the billiard room, since the ghost hunters were concentrating their early efforts in the library.

“They’re late.” Vindonnus said.

“From what I hear, they operate on their own schedule. Like Dis said, they’ll show up sometime after sunset.”

“He did say that.”

Vindonnus still wasn’t sure he could trust Dis Pater�"who in their right mind trusts a god of the underworld anyway?

A sudden coldness overtook the room. Not the coldness of Dis Pater, which was still pretty cold. This was a coldness unlike Vindonnus or Damara had ever felt before. This was a coldness that would make absolute zero feel downright balmy. This was the coldness of the Genii Cucullati.

The window flew open and the Genii Cucullati rushed in like a tsunami. Dressed in pure black�"not black clothing either. They were clothed in the blackness of black holes. Their hoods covered their faces, allowing only their orange eyes to shine through.

“This may have been a mistake.” Damara said.

They didn’t say a word, as they sped past Vindonnus and Damara. Three of them in all�"Dis had indicated they traveled in packs of three. Pack wasn’t the right word, but Vindonnus was lost for any other word. Terror overtook him when he heard the first round of screams coming from the library.

“They’re going to kill the ghost hunters.” Vindonnus said. “We can’t let that happen. I’m the god of healing, after all.”

“Dis said they stop at nothing until the accomplish their goal.”

“I guess we need to call Dis.”

Vindonnus dials his number. It picks up on the third ring.

“Dis Pater here. Sorry, I can’t take your call, please leave a message. And, don’t forget, I’m running a special on binding spells this month, three for the price of one.”

Vindonnus tried to collect his thoughts. Damara’s panicking and the ghost hunters screams, weren’t helping him think.

“Binding spells.”

“What Baby?”

“Dis Pater binding spells. I have a copy of the Defixio tablet in the library. Hurry.”

They made their way down the hall and into the library. They still had time�"the Genii Cucullati were still toying with the ghost hunters. Vindonnus ran to the section of his library where he kept the cursed tablets. It only took him a moment to find what he was looking for, the Defixio tablet.

“I hope this works Baby.”

“Me too, my love.”

Vindonnus read the binding spell, three times. One by one the Genii Cucullati dropped to the floor bound by some sort of flexible metallic rope.

Damara flipped the library door open for the ghost hunters, then ran down the stairs to open the front door. Vindonnus estimated it took them less than thirty seconds to vacate the house, leaving all their expensive ghost hunting paraphernalia behind.

“What the hell did you just do?”

It was Dis Pater and he was displeased.

“We had no choice Dis, your associates were going to kill those people.”

“It’s Dis Pater, Supreme God of the Underworld, to you Vindonnus. If word gets out that my binding spell can bind the Genii Cucullati, I’ll be finished.”

“We’ll keep it under wraps, as long as you get those three idiots out of here right now.”

Vindonnus caught a glimpse of Damara.

“And.” He continued. “You get Damara and me a co-haunting license.”

“I don’t like being put over a barrel like this Vindonnus.”

“You might not like it, but that’s where we are.”

Dis Pater thought for a moment then shoved out his hand.

“Deal.” He squeezed Vindonnus’ hand. “As long as I don’t see either of your faces for a very long time.”

“I think we can live with that.” Vindonnus said.

Dis Pater unbound the Genii Cucullati. The former god of the underworld, and his associates, slipped through the library window and into the night.

Damara threw her arms around Vindonnus.

“I love you Baby.”

“Me too.”