First Visit (to the 4th therapist)

writen Jan, 11, 2008

Walking through a hospital
Down hall after hall
The door is open and it doesn’t look right
Its like someone took a grandma’s living room
And dropped it into a small hospital recovery room.

 

We sit
Mom on a chair, 6 feet away
And the Dr. across from me.

Dr. Asks me why we are here.
I look to mom, I know why I’m here, but I don’t want to say.

 

Mom explains they went into my room and read something I wrote in my note book
She says it like she is the all knowing
And I want to ask what she was doing in my room snooping around
Because I know I turned it over, it wasn’t just right there
But I keep quiet.

 

She asks if she can see them
I pull down my sock and let her look
While mom is leaning over trying to see.

“You said there were 5” mom says out loud
I snap a bit, “1-2-3-4-5-6 and the lighter burn.” I tell her
Either way she was wrong.

 

Dr. keeps asking me questions
I keep crying
And mom keeps interjecting
Throwing in her opinion
Throwing in different problems she has with me.

 

I want her to shut up
[I’m clawing at my hand]
I want her to leave
[before I dig my nails into my hand and draw blood like I want to so bad]
I want to turn to her and scream
“just give me my god-damn lighter back and leave me alone.”

 

More crying from me
More questions fro the Dr.
And mom satisfied that she is “helping” me.

 

Dr. wants to cure me,
Wants to give me meds
But doesn’t understand that I don’t want it anymore
3 years ago it would have been so helpful,
But I don’t know how to feel other then… this.

Author's Note

ahhh yes the mother loves to snoop when she's "concerned"
ideas or thoughts or questions or anything of the sort?

Reviews

[Chloe Madison Taylor.]

i dont care what anyone says,
unless your a serial killer,
a child molestor,
a rapist,
or a scitzo(sp?),
you dont need therapy.
your completely normal.
Bipolar and Adhd are all just excuses and things that people hide behind.

your completely normal.
or you wouldnt of been able to write this.

[HeyMisterBlue]

someone told me once to look at the bright side of things or they'll eat you alive, they were right, things do eat me alive, but in the hopes of keeping perspective and looking at the bright side, there's always someone worse off than you :) Hey at least your mom cared enough to take you, find out, talk to somebody, etc... Some people just beat their kids to death and forget about them while they lay at the bottom of some stairway the parent tossed them down. Broken bones and unconscious, laying there like that, parent walking away, you helpless, then you got something to worry about :)